I find myself judging my "mothering worth".
I find myself daily wracked with guilt, have I done enough?
I find myself full of anxiety, am I doing a good job?
Am I "less of a mother" if I don't breastfeed Anna to "term"
Am I "less of a mother" if I don't babywear today?
Am I "less of a mother" when I shout at the kids?
Am I "less of a mother" if I don't get all of my jobs done?
Am I "less of a mother" if they don't eat all their veg?
Am I "less of a mother" because I have to spread myself too thin?
Am I "less of a mother" if I allow tablet time (again)?
Am I "less of a mother" if I crave a gin and tonic to get me through to bedtime?
(I am not writing these doubts down to gain others approval of my parenting. Honestly, I struggle to believe it when someone tells me I'm doing a good job. I think to myself "but you haven't seen this or that of my mothering".)
I'm writing this because I'm learning that I'm not alone. That although my particular list of worries is unique to me, other mothers may feel, like me that their "worth" as a mother is based on how well they have "performed" on a particular day/week/month...
I don't feel like I have the answers. But I see my mother-friends and mothers I meet, through my work with our sling library, and I am in awe.
Awe at the strength I see
Awe at the power I see
Awe at the love I see
I want to share with you some uplifting quotes about the value of motherhood. I hope they give you a boost...
"Thank you women who are mothers. You have sheltered human begins within yourselves in a unique experience of joy and travail. This experience makes you become Gods own smile upon the newborn Child." Karol Wojtyła
"Dear mother who needs to be reminded that she matters - this is your reminder. Now, go back to all you are doing, every day things and hold your head high. Motherhood matters. More than having the perfect house, the perfect body, the perfect planning schedule, the perfect kids, the perfect everything. You are a game changer. A life changer. You are their mother. There will be so many times you feel like you've failed but in the eyes and heart and mind of your child you are super mom." Stephanie Precourt.
To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power or the climbing failing colours of a rainbow. Maya Angelou
I am in awe of good mothers - those hero's all around me who sacrifice daily out of love for their children. I know for sure that few callings are more honourable. To play down mothering as small is to crack the very foundations on which greatness stands. Oprah.
I can get bogged down in the jobs of motherhood and forget that motherhood is valuable and worthwhile in itself. I am a grateful, happy, tired, overwhelmed, mother. Because I love them, I am theirs, and they are mine.
To the mother reading this...
Motherhood is worthwhile
You are worthy
You are wonderful