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Slings give you super powers, but you don't have to be superwoman all the time

16/8/2018

 
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Slings give you super powers. But you don't HAVE to be super woman.

So many things to juggle. So many things on the to do list.
As a mother, I judge myself harshly. I'm constantly under performance management review. With myself. Maybe it's because all through life we are judged on our successes. And criticised for our failures. And when motherhood rolled around I was sent into a tailspin of what the hell have I achieved today? What is my purpose. How can I judge if I've had a good day? A successful day parenting?

So I judge myself on how well the children have behaved. How many books I've read to them. Have the eaten healthy food? Have I had to resort to the gin before dinner? Have we done a wholesome activity? How much tablet time have they had? Have I babyworn today? How much milk has Anna had? Have I done at least one load of washing? Is the house tidy? Have the dogs been out? Have I shouted at the kids? I could carry on. Have I kept them out of harm? Have i cuddled them enough?

And babywearing helps me through this for sure. It is a parenting super power. From newborn days of need to juggling multiple children. From school run with a feral toddler, to being able to go to the toilet. It helps. Massively. I can cook and clean and walk the dog. I can run a business while babywearing. I can pay attention to my other children while babywearing. I can go for long walks to try and get in shape (haha). I can soothe my poorly baby while doing the shopping. I can continue the juggle.

Here's the thing.

I can also.... (and sorry for the swear but it's necessary) SIT THE FUCK DOWN.

At sling meet, at least twice a session a mum will say to me, "oh great, now I've got my hands free to do (name job)..."
And carol and I always say: "or you can sit down and eat some cake".

Seriously, I'm my own worst enemy with this. I burn myself out. I run myself into the ground. I think I'm super woman. And sometimes it feels bloody amazing to be able to feel like I've done everything. That the kids are happy, the house is clean and the jobs have been done.

But there are days (most of them) where this isn't going to happen.

I hear lots, and read lots, and talk lots about the mental load, the domestic load falling to mother's. And I feel it. I get it. Sometimes though I'm so done with it that I have to stop. It doesn't mean it goes away but it means I choose to stop. There is no prize for me for having a more difficult day. there is no prize for having the most children and juggling the most.

I don't have to strap Anna to me and march all the kids to Asda to get the shopping. I just call CJ and say "we're having take away." Or "I can't do dinner. Can you sort it".

So mama reading this. Sit the fuck down. When you can. Please. Use the sling. Settle the baby and then use it for 10 minutes to sit down and eat/drink/watch TV/scroll Instagram/pee! Baby is happy/asleep. Stop, sit and chill.
You have super powers I know. But you don't have to be super woman all the time.

I can't breastfeed in the sling

5/8/2018

 
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It's world breastfeeding week. All over my news feed are many of my wonderful babywearing consultant counterparts from all around the world sharing super helpful and really informative videos and tutorials on breastfeeding in a sling.
Breastfeeding and bottle feeding while carrying baby in a sling can be one of those amazing skills to have in the bag. It can save a shopping trip or day out at the park with your toddler.

But I can't do it.
I've breastfed all 4 of my kids.
I babyworn all 4 of my kids.
I'm a trained, qualified and experienced babywearing consultant.

And I still can't do it.

This is not meant to be discouraging to those who can and who want to.

This is meant to be a reassurance for those, who like me, are looking at these videos and thinking "but I just CAN'T do it". It's ok. And you're not doing anything wrong. And you CAN still manage without combining these two things.

I've had a troubling start to breastfeeding all of my babies. For the first about 12-16 weeks (the time frame most mother's want to feed in a sling as its the most intense feeding time) of my feeding journey for all of them, it has been pretty much agony. I learnt I HAD to have baby in the perfect position or the latch was wrong and I was in so so so much pain. Cracked nipples. Engorgement. Over supply. Blocked ducts. Re-filling pain (oh the agony). And mastitis. And mastitis, so many flipping times.

In these early weeks of breastfeeding agony joy, trying to breastfeed in a sling was almost impossible. If I tried it, I would end up in pain from poor positioning, which for all the will in the world, I couldn't make work in a sling. Let's be personal here, my boobs aren't exactly small or perky anymore. It would cause my boob to squish, leading to blocked ducts.

There have been exactly 3 times I have sort of done it. Once on the beach when we had packed up and Samuel needed feeding so I tried to do it in the stretchy. Once in the queue at the wrap show (of all the places) and Anna needed feeding, and carol literally tied the sling around me, disaster. And once when I was cooking dinner, using a ring sling. I took a pic and sent it to a breastfeeding counsellor friend as I was so proud. But it wasn't comfy. Never going to be a long term thing for me.

It's ok if breastfeeding isn't easy. Get help. Get support and do what works for you.

Get help with babywearing too. We mustn't compromise safety while babywearing, and this is especially important when feeding in a sling. Nail babywearing.

You don't HAVE to breastfeed in a sling.

If it means that your toddler sits around and watches TV for 4 months while you and your newborn nurse for hours, that's ok. If you just plant your bum on the sofa with your newborn and don't go out for that fourth trimester, that's ok. Box sets, snacks, water.

The sling will be there when you need it. In fact my early parenting tools are pretty limited to boob and sling. Try one, then then other and then back again. Just get both right. Don't compromise on one.

And if you have magic boobs like one of my friends, who I was always in awe of her ability to breastfeed on the go (I remember going for a walk together and she breastfed her son easily in the sling as we pottered along) then celebrate that too.
​

Finally, if you need breastfeeding support, reach out for it. I have a wonderful friend who happens to be the leader of the local la leche league branch in Chelmsford and through her support I found my comfy position with Anna, we worked on clearing blocked ducts and recovering from mastitis. She explained refilling pain and so much more. Thank goodness.
Here are the details for la leche league...
https://www.laleche.org.uk/find-lll-support-group/

and if you're local: https://www.laleche.org.uk/supportgroup/lll-chelmsford/

if you liked this blog we're up for an award. We'd be so grateful for your vote! https://www.essexmums.com/awards/voting/

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