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A worldly funk; am I making a difference?

13/12/2018

 
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I've been feeling in a worldly funk recently. Climate change makes me panic. Global hunger, world peace, instability. Refugees needing homes, Brexit. NHS funding cuts, education funding cuts...etc. I've been feeling like my small personal efforts make no difference. I've felt powerless. I'm going to go so far as to say I've felt the earth do a sort of groan when I turn on my car. What am I doing to make a difference? How can I change things without either becoming an enclosed nun and hiding from my worries or becoming an eco warrior. How is my day to day bringing about positivity? (I'm the sort of person who likes a bigger picture, a wholesome goal...)

It hits home too when Christmas is so freaking commercial. When save the children Christmas jumper day involved dragging my upset toddler around the shops buying NON ethically made Christmas jumpers and putting them on the credit card. What is that all about?!

And then my eldest daughter is having a crappy time at school. At a time when we are "meant" to be happy and jolly and loving. This has prompted a letter from us to school. My husband who has a fantastic way with words has written this line "on a grand scale minute, [but incredibly important]".

That line.

What I am doing is on a grand scale minute, but incredibly important.

In that one line he describes how I've felt about recycling, walking (not driving) voting, and most importantly how we're raising our children and even in the running of this business, babywearing.

That our small and minute actions matter. Babywearing matters. Supporting other parents to do this matters. Because carrying our babies matters. It is a tool. Yes. And I get caught up in the practicalities of the tool. That we want to be safe and comfy. That we want to have a sling that looks good and that fits the price range. One that will last from newborn to toddler. I want parents to come to sling meets, for our sling hire targets to be met...

But it's so much more than that. That is the minute.

The grand scale is knowing that attachment actually impacts the growth of the brain. Secure attachment, bonds with care givers, are not just nice extras but vital to development of that person. To me there is a link from this to us as adults as members of society. I'm not saying that by using a buggy we are causing problems (because it's way more than just using a buggy or a sling). But I am saying that these small actions, such as carrying our babies, responding to them in a way we may once have been discouraged to do (self soothing/cry it out), makes a difference.
​

This is why it matters. Because we need, now more than ever, for each generation to learn from science, to change the world, not just drain it. Personally, emotionally, naturally.
Secure attachment is a foundation of love. And this world needs more love. We all need more love.

I see you, mama

8/12/2018

 
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To the mama who is feeling like she's failing, who feels like she is constantly juggling all the things. I see you. I get it.

To the mama who is feeling like her feet don't touch the ground at the moment while Christmas crazy takes over. It's ok to say no to some things (or just not show up).


To the mama who locks herself into the bathroom because she just needs to be somewhere that no one can get her for two minutes, I've done that.


For the mama who is in a constant state of anxiety and worry. Worry about the kids, the house, the money, the world. I wish I could take the worry away for a few moments.


Sometimes I think about what would happen if I broke my leg. Would the magic fairies turn up and tell me to sit down, they'll look after my children, the house, the dogs, the business, the finances. It'll all be fine. And then I realise that a broken leg would just mean trying to figure out how to do the school run with a cast on.


Most of the mamas I know don't stop. You never bloody stop. You keep going through it all. You do the day shift and the night shift. You keep going when you're poorly. You keep going when the kids are poorly and the delicate balance of family life is teetering on the edge. You keep going when you've had no sleep, when you've just give birth and to the other extreme, when you've lost someone. Just take a minute and marvel at that. When you're feeling your lowest, that you have no strength left and your cup is bone dry, you carry on.


I don't really have any practical magical solutions. I don't know the magic fairies who will move in and make it all ok. I wish I did. I have no family nearby. It's just me and my little (big) family.


But I'm discovering things that help me.


Doing things I enjoy. I enjoy a good box of biscuits and a game of monopoly or cards. (Even if I loose and the toddler is a nightmare). I make the family go to the beach on the first day of every school holiday. It helps me not feel the overwhelm of feeling like I'm not giving my kids a good holiday. Finding things that prioritise me and when I'm happy the kids are too.


Say no to things/yes to everything

I'm someone who needs just a few activities a week. Otherwise the crazy sets in. I have a good friend of mine who needs to be doing lots of things. Get the balance right. Say yes to things or say no to things. Listen to what YOU need to do.

Be kind to yourself. Please, for fucks sake, start being nice to yourself. It's not something I'm good at. But I'm working on it. It makes a massive difference. Cut yourself some slack. You're human. A pretty wonderful one. But your in a body that is dependent on the weather, the food, the hormones, the sleep. Some days you'll feel fab and others not so. Neither is better than the other. So be kind.

Let go of perfection. I have high standards. But I'm learning to let go. Not everything needs doing today.

Babywear (well I had to include it.) But for real, one of the things I like about it, is that baby or toddler feels happy (or not but at least cuddles, ya know). You have your hands free. Go for a walk, play on your phone, listen to a podcast. Let the sling take the strain for a while.


I want you to know that you are seen and noticed. Your hard work is not for nothing. Even when it feels like it is. Mothering is a gift to the whole world. Thank you. And be kind to you xx

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