Lorna shares where she found her support network and why it's so important...

Why you should go to a sling meet if you haven’t yet.

Motherhood is tough. We read that all the time on blog posts, on social media and we hear it through the champions of motherhood such as my new found inspirational people; January Harshe and Constance Hall. No one told the enormity of motherhood before I embarked on it and probably best they didn’t. Can you imagine telling your former self what childbirth is really like and how you would feel when a baby was terrorising your nipple for hours on end? And all of the other millions of challenges that come in the weeks and months after that.

What I wish people had told me (persistently and repeatedly) are...

- You can’t spoil a baby with cuddles

- A sling can cure pretty much anything as it’s just a cuddle with support

- Babies don’t have to go in buggies

- You can sleep in bed with your baby safely

- What the forth trimester is all about

- Sit down whenever you can and rest, seriously because you never will again

It’s taken me two babies to learn what works for me. Hopefully now I pass on this information to any of my friends who are expecting their first. If it’s not their bag then I respect that but I feel it’s my duty to impart the tiny bit of knowledge I feel I can, when I can, to make anyone’s first few months of motherhood easier.

I am so so lucky with my motherhood support network. It started with just my Mum and a girl who I met down the road because I thought she looked cool and she had a baby. Luckily I was right, she was cool and thankfully she wanted to be my friend and support me through those hazy first weeks.

From humble beginnings I am now lucky enough to boast a huge support network of amazing and inspirational women. Woman who I know I can count on for anything. They help me everyday. How did I meet all of these people? Well, mainly through slings. Sling libraries and sling socials and sling Facebook pages.

The term ‘find your village’ is becoming increasingly popular and I’m on board. 100%. Finding a village and a support network to get you through what is the best but scariest and loneliest and most amazing time of your life is the best thing to do. Not everyone’s is going to be at a sling library but if you’re still looking it’s a good place to start.

If you’re just starting out in this parenting game or you’ve been in it for a while but you’ve lost your mojo then get out and find some support. It’s there, you wont have to look far and there are people who want to support and not make you feel inadequate. It may be at a toddler group where you bond over walking around with your newly walking toddler talking about the time when you used to command the attention of children and now you mainly just police your child whilst they are climbing on the dining room table. It may be sharing a walk and putting the world to rights with a like minded soul. Wherever you find it, these moments, that pass in an instant will be the times you remember forever. Don’t let them be lonely moments. Make them moments shared with people who get you and you get them.

Naturally Happy Families provides a sanctuary for families. Whatever your preconceptions of the ‘hippie types’ that use slings and carriers are, forget them. It’s not about that. At the sling meets and socials it’s just about support. It’s supporting women and families in whatever their choices are in parenthood. It’s about finding a place to drink tea, eat cake and chat to people about what you’ve been through. It’s about woman coming together and sharing tales of woe and strength. It’s not just about slings and carriers.

Why would you want to go through the journey of motherhood alone? I know I would be a totally different mother than I am today without my support network. I’ve changed, I’m growing and I’m learning. I hope my girls see that and I hope that others can gain something from my knowledge when I peer support at sling meets. Sharing our experiences and being part of something makes for a better and more fulfilling life with each other.

The world is full of advice and information that influences us and what we do. Not just as mothers and fathers but in everything. Having places to escape from judgement is important. It’s important to nurture ourselves before we can nurture anyone else. So today, I encourage you to take the plunge and find your village. It might be at a sling meet or it might be at the playgroup down the road. But whatever you do, find somewhere that you feel inspired to be a better parent after having been there.

And if you don’t find your village you can at least eye up the carriers and eat some bloody good cake.

The next sling meet is on Friday in `Witham and then the following Friday in Chelmsford. You'll be very welcome x

I have a secret, when I was little I wanted to be a Disney Princess (and still do). Probably Cinderella, or Belle. Apparently, (having read this only a few weeks ago) princesses at Disneyland are retired at 27 so ummmmm...

Last night I had a blast from the past, my old boss sent a message offering me my old job back. Basically he asked me how much would I cost to come back to my old role. I was extremely flattered, and although it wasn't working as Cinderella prancing around in a swishy ball gown all day, it was a brilliant job, I loved it. But I gave it all up when I became a mummy and didn't ever look back. Being a mummy is what I was made to do, even in those moments when all 3 children are throwing temper tantrums and the list of chores is never ending I'm grateful.

Fast forward 7 years and 3 (almost 4) children later and my mummy life has gone from surviving each day with the small chaos bringers, to having a job/role I never even knew existed, but one which I love with my whole heart (almost as much as I think I would have loved to have been Cinderella). I co-run Naturally Happy Families and each day I get the opportunity to help parents begin, continue or rediscover their baby wearing journey. I see parents putting on a sling and watch them smile at how wonderful it feels to hold their baby close and have cuddles. I get to meet parents who are struggling with baby wearing and give them a small tweak to their sling and remember why it was such a good idea in the first place. 

I'm happy to answer Facebook messages, and emails asking for the next date for a sling meet, or where the best place to buy a sling is, or how someone can book a consultation to learn more about baby wearing. I love blogging and picture taking, and love, love, love the mania that is a sling meet because, the thing is, I truly think baby wearing is magical. There are countless attachment parenting books and studies done about the social, emotional and intellectual wellbeing of a child and how these areas of development are directly impacted on by the early attachment the child has with their primary "care-giver". Baby wearing is a string to the bow of attachment parenting, the crux of which is simply: love. The more we can show love, in as many different ways as possible to our children the better. (This is not to say that when I use a buggy - which sometimes I do, I'm not showing my child love, quite the contrary, I use a buggy at the moment especially when he is tired, we have to get the big ones to school and my pregnant body can't cope with dragging a 3 year old up the hill to school without us both having a melt down. So a buggy is a good and loving option for both of us!)

There are days too when baby wearing doesn't feel magical to me/you. But simply knowing that you are offering that closeness to your child, or having one in a sling so you have hands free to hold another child's hand is love. Practical parenting love. Awesome. 

And so would I rather be a Disney Princess or a mummy getting to help other parents each day with their baby wearing experience? I'm going to stick with the magic that is the baby wearing world.  

We are beginning a new series of blogs, looking at some fundamentals of different aspects of baby wearing starting off with the fundamentals of using buckles or soft structured carriers...

What is it?
Buckle carriers come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, patterns and fabrics.
They feature:

• one panel for baby to sit in coming up to their shoulders.
• Two shoulder straps for the wearer and which are fastened with buckles
• buckle waistband.

​For this blog and for us a sling library we are always going to be talking about wide based carriers. Those which put baby into a deep-seated 'M' position which is optimal for them and for you. 

Who is it good for?
Buckle carriers are brilliant for those wanting a quick option and who like the security of a plastic buckle clip. They are brilliant for when a baby reaches about 4/6 months and onwards. 

Who is it not good for?
Generally buckles can work for most people however those who are particularly slight of frame may find that there is not enough adjustability in the straps to get the buckle high and tight. Remember that buckles are made to fit using an average size pattern. 

Although one of the biggest pulls to using a buckle carrier is it's simplicity, and although some buckles are suitable with a newborn insert from birth my preference is that generally they are best used from about 4 months old when baby has some strength in their necks and backs and have uncurled from that newborn tucked up position. 

Getting it right...

Putting it on: the waistband
Where you begin is really important. For front carries, remember "close enough to kiss". Baby's head should rest on your chest for you to be able to tip your head and kiss baby. So place the waist band at the right height for this to happen. For back carries, baby's head should rest on the top of the flat of your back. So again place the waistband so this can happen. (HINT: it's probably going to be higher up that you think -more around your waist rather than your hips)

Put it on like an apron - hold the waist band so the flat of the buckle which faces inwards is against you. 

Adjust it to tighten - check if it adjusts one way or two (either side of the buckle). How tight do you want it? Tight enough that there isn't a gap between you and the waistband, tight enough that it does't move but not so tight that you can't breathe! 

Putting baby in: the importance of the panel and the seat
Getting a deep seat in a buckle carrier is super important. Firstly, as you put baby in sitting baby against you and on the waist band, pull the fabric of the panel up their back. You want it to rest at their shoulders. 

Straps on! (we'll talk about straps in more detail in a minute) 

At this point you may need to tip baby into their seat. So reach inside the carrier around baby's thighs and gently tip them forward into the carrier to make a deeper seat. You should now be able to pull up more of the panel fabric to baby's shoulders. By doing this you are encouraging a nice deep seat - remember this is the optimal position for baby. 

Straps: how to tighten/how to wear?
There are two ways buckles have straps. 1. Crossed straps or 2. Not crossed. This is one of the features that it really is worth trying on both as an option to see what is important for you - and it really does make a difference. 

If you've got a buckle which DO NOT cross, the straps just slip over your arms and you will need to reach over your head to secure the back clip (if front carrying). 

If you've got a buckle which the straps DO CROSS you will need to reach around down by your waistband to be able to secure the buckle across your back to the buckle at the side.

Tightening straps may seem as easy as just pulling the webbing BUT please check in which direction your webbing goes. Does it pull to the front? Back? Side to tighten. You need to pull it in the right direction for it to tighten successfully and to avoid twisting along the webbing. 

How tight? Tight enough that you have secured baby at the right height and that baby is close to you. You do not want baby to be swinging around low and away from your body. 

Front or back carry?
This is normally an age/stage answer. The general rule is that baby needs to be about 6 months old and sitting unaided before back carrying. This is because, for a back carry, you need to ensure that baby has enough strength to be able to remain seated upright against your back without slumping down where you can't see. Back carrying may seem terrifying to begin with but is a skill well worth learning as it may well extend your baby wearing journey far beyond the very earliest few months (- come along to a back carrying workshop or book a 1:1 consultation!) 

High and tight
The holy grail of buckle carrying is being able to get your baby and the carrier nice and high and tight without it slipping. Hopefully the above hints, tips and explanations can help! 

At sling library sessions, often, when I pull out a wrap, be it a stretchy or a woven wrap, I see a look of absolute horror cross the face of the parent who wasn't quite expecting 4.6m of fabric. Honestly, we hire way more buckles and half buckles than we do wraps. Don't get me wrong I love a good buckle carrier. They are amazing in their comfort, quickness and security of use. You know that once you've plugged in those buckles you are safe, secure and ready to go.

However, nothing quite beats the feeling of easing your squishy newborn into a stretchy wrap for the first time. Seeing a mum's shoulders relax, hearing her sigh of relief and seeing that lovely smile on her face when baby settles all tucked up super cosy against her chest is one of the very best parts of my job. Nothing beats the utter beauty and choice of woven wraps, it is a magical world of colours, fabrics and patterns. Nothing quite beats being able to provide a cosy place for your bigger baby to hide all tucked up on your front or nestled against your back, just peeking out over your shoulder taking in the world that you both share. Nothing beats being able to still babywear when you have back or shoulder injuries or problems, using a woven wrap that can be tied in a particular way so as to avoid the weak part of the body.

But the world of long pieces of fabric can be a scary place to enter into...lets break it down:

Where on earth do I start?
A stretchy wrap was my gateway into wrapping. They are a brilliant way to start because they fully support a tiny newborn while they still want to be all tucked up in that gorgeous 'C' shape. With a stretchy wrap you pre-tie it before putting baby into it and so it makes it a brilliant way to get started with wrapping. My favourite stretchy slings are VSL (which we conveniently stock!) and the Hana Stretchy sling, which contains bamboo making it naturally anti-bacterial and awesome for warmer months.

If your baby is older than about 4 months though I would suggest getting straight into using a woven wrap...

Size:
Although it seems super long, you're going to want to start with a size 6 wrap which is 4.6m. This will allow you to tie a basic Front Wrap Cross Carry (FWCC - see day 1 of our wrap challenege) which is a carry that is suitable for newborns all the way up to toddlers, the very bread and butter of wrapping. It is what we call a “base size” for most people. It will also allow you to learn some multiple pass back carries, which offer lots of support when back carrying with a woven.

Wrap sizes go lots smaller and a little bit longer than the size 6. Different sizes allow you to do different carries. So for example a shorter wrap will allow you to do a quicker shorter carry (mostly back carries). It takes practise to get the most out of a short wrap which is why beginning with a size 6 enables you to get to grips with how wrapping works and what happens when you put this bit there, and tug that piece here...

Fabric choice
There are lots of amazing fabric choices and often wraps are made using blends of 2 or 3 fabrics, here's a quick guide.
Cotton: basic wrap fabric – a thicker cotton wrap will provide a good level of support
Combed cotton: very soft stroke-able fabric for a wrap
Organic cotton: an excellent choice if you are interested in the production of your cotton
Bamboo: soft, naturally anti-bacterial and ideal as a blend for a newborn wrap
Linen: strong and breathable, excellent for bigger babies and toddlers.
Hemp: beautifully textured, strong and cushy
Wool (merino/cashmere etc): lovely for the winter with lovely strength
Silk: glides and grips beautifully.

Practise, practise, practise
Wrapping is a learnt skill. It is a skill which needs practising and perfecting over time and a skill which grows and changes with you as your baby does. Don't ever be disheartened if you don't get a carry just right on the first go, or if you have a bad wrap day (we all have them). Practise over a bed, with a teddy, or with someone else to spot you. Come along to one of our workshops or book a 1:1 consultation, it's so worth all the effort.

How to choose?
So you want to buy a woven wrap but there are so very many choices, which to choose? Well my suggestion is to find one firstly that suits your budget and you like the colours of. Wraps we have in the library come from these companies:
Lenny Lamb
Little Frog
Natibaby
Kokadi
Firespiral
Some wraps are more expensive than others. Generally you do get what you pay for in terms of wrapping qualities but I have a lot of love for a basic Lenny Lamb rainbow (my first woven wrap).

Rails and tails and passes
​There are technical terms used when we talk about wrapping and how to do it, the picture below points to:
Rails: which need tightening when wrapping
Passes: the layers of fabric covering baby (can be single layer or multiple)
Tails: the end of the wrap as you tie off
Shoulder Passes: the “straps” you make for your shoulders with the wrap fabric

Is it worth it?
Sure is. I love wrapping because it's cosy, gorgeous and I can get the wrap just how I like it. There is something very earth mother-y about wrapping which is appealing to me in a world of modern gadgets for babies and life in general. It's a magical art which allows for cuddles, security and bonding opportunities for you and your child.

Join us over on the Facebook page for our 30 day wrap challenge where we will be taking you through a new carry each day throughout June. 

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