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I was a fed up and angry babywearer last night

25/5/2018

 
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I think it's safe to say the last couple of weeks have been a bit shit.
The washing machine is broken (intermittently)
The boiler was condemned last Friday and we've had to shell out for a new one which isn't going to be installed until next week.
A crown has come out of my tooth and still isn't fixed.
GDPR policies needed finishing
It's the end of the month no money time and
My Grandma is really very very poorly, reaching the end of her battle with Cancer. My strong, glamorous grandma, the one always there for us all, is going to be leaving soon, and I don't want to face that...

So I'm a bit preoccupied. I'm not juggling jobs well. I'm forgetting things. I'm struggling more than normal to keep on top of things.

And yesterday evening I reached breaking point. I was settling Anna down to breastfeed to sleep when the boys came in shouting about the bloody light. One wanted it on and one wanted it off. This meant Anna was disturbed and NO WAY was she going to go back to sleep.

I gave up and took her downstairs. All the time something someone had said earlier that day playing on my mind that essentially it was MY parenting that Anna wasn't "better behaved". And the list of jobs I had set myself for last night was prodding my conscience.

So she was wriggling about all over me. Slapping me, never sitting still. I got a book in the eye...

Eventually I'd had enough of trying cuddling and boob. There are only so many times I can take her latched on but twisting off my lap still attached...it wasn't working and I was exhausted.

I stormed off to grab the Tula. Flung Anna up and tried to wash up. Cos that still needed doing. All the jobs still needed doing. She wasnt having any of it. Screamed bloody murder. So i got her down and unceremoniously handed her to CJ, she's still screaming. I kicked the Tula across the kitchen and took a moment. But she was crying, and she was crying for me.

She needed me to be kind and loving. Not fed up and angry. Waves of guilt came crashing down on me. I slammed things around a bit in the kitchen. (I actually broke a mug by some over vigorous washing up). But she wasn't settling for CJ. So I went to her. I tried to wash up with her on my hip. I just wanted a clean kitchen..if that was done maybe things would be better? Feelings of failing as a house wife, maybe they'd go away?
​

In the end I had calmed enough to set her down gently, pull out a wrap and ask her if she wanted a cuddle in it. She did. And she finally calmed down. She sobbed a bit on my back but pretty quickly fell asleep. I just felt sad that I had been a shit mum. That I struggled with her needs.
​

I suppose the moral of my story is, we all have shit days/weeks. If a friend of mine was telling me this story I would tell her to chill out and be kind to herself. And to trust the foundations of love you have built. Eventually...they came through for me. They were stronger than my weakness last night.
(photo taken to see if anna had fallen asleep)

Best (free) babywearing days out

24/5/2018

 
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Best (free) babywearing days out in Essex
It's half term next week and if you've got bigger kids you might be like me thinking of a list of things to do, but ideally free. Here are my top picks for babywearing suitable days out that should only cost you the petrol, parking and picnic money.
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1. Danbury country park
One of my family's favourite places to go. Lovely lakes, little streams to jump in, cool woods to walk through and big branches to make tree dens. Dog friendly and toilets too. We take wellies and over trousers and a sling that I don't mind getting muddy.
Danbury is good for babywearers being able to get right into the woods for a nice walk.
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2. Cudmore Grove (beach and park)
An awesome new play park with a great big grassy area which leads onto the beach. Amazing. Great for babywearers as you can get right along the water. I feel so much better being by the sea.
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3. Hanningfield Reservoir
With a wind in the willows sculpture trail and several bird hides dotted around the reservoir this place is beautiful, calm and peaceful to visit. Ideal for babywearers to be able to get in and out of the hides easily while keeping babies peaceful doing a spot of bird watching.
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4. Hylands castle park
A huge wooden play park in the grounds of Hylands house. Ideal for babywearers as you can walk up the Ramps to chase toddlers while still safely babywearing. Not many parks offer this!
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5. Great Notley Discovery Center
Ah this place is wonderful. Set in beautiful countryside while a play trail to walk around. Great for babywearers to be able to keep moving while the kids play at the same time. Check out the North Essex Astronomical Society too, they have solar gazing events during the summer and stargazing events during the winter here.
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6. Clacton Airshow
Ok so we'll have to wait until August for this one but undoubtedly one of the best family days out. Right on Clacton sea front, all the planes including the Red Arrows. Good for babywearers with toddlers or babies who will be soothed by cuddles when loud planes go over head. And easy to keep ear defenders on. And you can navigate the crowds with hands free for other kids!
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7. James Cook woods and Oliver's Nurseries
A little wood on the outskirts of Witham. Nice for a short walk, made nice and easy using a sling and a quick hop across the field takes you to Oliver's Nurseries which is a lovely garden centre and tea rooms with big strawberry Fields. Table top and often quite quiet we love visiting in the summer. And babywearing while table top strawberry picking. Bliss.
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8. Hadleigh Castle and farm
Or otherwise known to us as Windy Castle. The beautiful ruins of a castle that you can climb in, with lovely views, great for kite flying and right next door is a Salvation Army rare breeds petting farm (you do have to pay for this though). Ideal for babywearers as there is a bit of a steeper climb up the the castle ruins.
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9. Walton on the Naze
Lovely beach, great for fossil hunting and sharks teeth hunting. It's quite stony so really best for babywearing. Lots of history in the cliff face and with the old war concrete boxes dotted along the walk at the top of the cliff. I'm always convinced I'm going to find an old fossil and make my millions
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10. Thornton country park
Visit the Gruffalo trail. Walk about and spot all of the Gruffl characters. Absolutely ideal for babywearers so you can head off the path and into the woods for den building and bug hunting

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