Blog Posts

May 07th, 2019

7/5/2019

Samuels story - hearing loss and babywearing.

This week is European babywearing week. Yesterday's theme was "the joy of communication." There is much evidence to suggest that babies who are carried develop communication skills earlier and social skills develop well because they are involved in conversations much more so due to being right in the midst of the action.

Bethany and Luke my eldest were early and great talkers. Bethany in particular was talking in full and completely understandable sentences at 18 months. (No brag, she just was). Luke followed suit.

When Samuel was was born and the reached the age of beginning to talk, he did not follow in the same way. He did a bit, said mama and Dada but no where near the level of talking the other two did.

MANY MANY people "blamed" it on the fact the he was the youngest. That the other two spoke for him (not true). That because I was busy and there were three of them, he didn't get a word in edgeways. Others said it was because he didn't need to speak because I did all the things he needed without him having to ask. But he was still so little...it was in the realm of "normal".

Fast forward a couple of years to preschool and Samuel was definitely talking by this point but was also challenged by it. There were lots of sounds he struggled with and he would often lash out (bite) if he couldn't be understood. It was tricky for him and for me.

We raised it with the HV and preschool. The option given was a speech and language group where I would be taught how to talk to him better so he could learn from me. And the conclusion was he was just a bit behind.

That didn't seem quite right to me. It wasn't that he was ignored by me. It wasn't that he didn't have opportunities to speak that was holding him back.

The thing is, Samuel is incredibly bright and so even with a speech delay, he was doing well. He was able to make his needs and wants known. He also had a truly wonderful key worker at preschool who listened to him and learnt very quickly Samuels ways of saying things. But again, we figured he was just a bit delayed.

Fast forward again to reception at school. Very quickly he began to be unhappy. He wasn't being understood at school and he was getting frustrated. We are incredibly lucky to have a dedicated speach and language centre as part of the school who assessed him and offered him a place in the speech and language class.

This was a success from the beginning. It also triggered a hearing test. Which we thought wouldn't be an issue. He'd passed his newborn test. No one had suggested it since then. He could hear us. It was just his speech right?
WRONG

It turnedrns out poor old Samuel has a severe high frequency hearing loss. This means he can hear, but not the high frequency sounds (f,p,t,s, etc). And this was the root of his speech delay.

I have massive massive love for the audiology dept at Broomfield and in particular Kirsten the paedatric audiologist who we saw (and still see) at every appt and who fitted Samuel's hearing aids. These have made so so so much difference to him. He noticed the difference straight away and his speech has improved significantly, so much so that he has just been discharged from speech and language care. He still struggles with some words and without his hearing aids - well he definitely needs them (we can all tell when one has run out of battery!). And likely will for the rest of his life. We don't know what caused the hearing loss but it's there...

So what's this got to do with European babywearing week?

Well, I look back on my time babywearing Samuel and just think "thank goodness". I deal with mega guilt about how long it took us to uncover Samuels hearing loss.There are many pictures of him in a sling right up close to me and I am so grateful that I carried him because it meant that he could hear me, up close. Because we were physically closer he could catch what I was saying. That the times it was noisy and he couldn't hear me, at least he had the physical reasurrance that he was safe. We were together. And maybe, just maybe, hopefully, even with hearing loss, that early communication was a good foundation for him too.

a healthy back when babywearing

6/3/2019

How to keep your back healthy while babywearing

So so often I hear
"I'm not sure about babywearing because I have a bad back" or
"the sling is hurting my back" or
"after a while my back stated hurting"...

I really want to bust the myths that
A. Babywearing causes back pain
B. You should just ignore any back pain

We are super lucky to be working with Barry who is a highly qualified sports massage rehabilitator (MSc) with a specialism in pre and postnatal care.

Here are our top tips on keeping your back healthy and post partum bodies looked after while babywearing ...

1. “Babywearing hurts my back” Should I stop?
It is important to not assume that the pain is as a result of baby-carrying. But if you feel pain or discomfort when babywearing – don’t ignore it as you could cause yourself unnecessary pain and a problem that is harder to treat! A well fitted, properly tightened sling should not, in itself, be causing the back pain. Whilst baby carrying may alert you to the pain, there will always be an underlying issue that will be causing the discomfort – usually very treatable! Either that the carrier needs adjusting or the back issue needs treating.

2. Is it ok to babywear from the beginning?
Especially in the early post-partum days, while recovering from birth and still under the effects of relaxin, slings help to distribute the weight of your baby evenly through your weightbearing axes – which promotes the natural toning of your muscles needed for post partum recovery. It will put less strain on your back than lugging a car seat around, or even lifting a heavy pram in and out of the car/house. So yes it's ok to babywear from the beginning and a wonderful way to bond. But above all else, listen to your body. Babywearing makes us feel like we're invincible. Don't go for a 10 mile hike 5 days after giving birth!

3. Is Carrying Post C-Section ok?
It is definitely possible – and in my opinion and experience (Barry's lovely wife has first hand experience) – hugely beneficial! It's so important to stick to the advice not to carry anything heavier than your baby (eg heavy car seats). It is so important for the recovery of your body post surgery. Baby carrying allows you to not only have the closeness – but it is also less strain on your abdominal muscles – in comparison to carrying baby in your arms. It also means that you can use your arms to support you as you move around while carrying baby safely.

Keep in mind your sling choice should put no pressure on your scar area. Something like a stretchy wrap or a close caboo are great choices both for the fit around baby but also as they don't have hefty waist bands that can press onto your scar. Again, listen to your body. A sling can lull us into a false sense of security that we can do it all. Settle baby in the sling and sit down! Be careful not to over do it.

4. How do I choose a sling that won't hurt my back?
Visit your local sling library. I would highly recommend seeking out professional advice on both the correct fitting of the sling, and the best one for your body. With so many to choose from, by visiting a library you will soon fall in love with the perfect fit. The way in which you gave birth can affect your choices, as well as ease of use, comfort on your body and, for some, design! A well fitted sling, properly worn and tightened should not cause any back problems.

5. What's the ideal position for baby in the sling?
Keep your baby high and tight in the sling – as well as central when carrying. This will encourage a balanced posture as well as utilising the largest weight bearing axes of the body. You will prevent strain on your muscles, ligaments and the pelvic floor. (As well as being optimal safety position for your baby)

6. Don't forget about the lifting you're doing
Remember the rules of lifting! This is especially important when you are lifting your baby in and out of the sling! Ensuring your knees are bent and you have the correct posture will help alleviate additional (unwanted) strain on your body.

7. I'm new to babywearing and my back aches...
If you have never used a sling before, (assuming you've got a well fitting one) you will need to build up your strength in using it. (It's why babywearing from the beginning is so fab, as your muscles will get stronger gradually as baby grows).
Go for regular walks with your baby in the carrier / sling. This is the perfect exercise for the early days post partum- but remember to be aware of your posture and ensure you are carrying baby correctly. If you gradually increase the length of time you are walking for, you will slowly tone your body as well as reduce the occurrence of soreness after exercising. (You wouldn't run a marathon as your first ever running experience)

8. If I use the sling for too long will it be bad for my back?
There is no magic number of hours it's ok to carry for. A well fitting sling should cause no problems to a healthy back that is used to babywearing (built up muscle as baby grows). After all special forces carry those huge backpacks up mountains! But take regular breaks especially if you're suddenly increasing the amount of babywearing (while on holiday for example).

9. I have a bad back but I want to babywear, can I?
If you have an underlying back issues, chances are babywearing will exacerbate it. Please please get it checked out and treated. You will not want to carry on babywearing if you feel uncomfortable. And even the best fitting sling in the world won't help if there is already an issue. Book an appt with Barry!

10. Can I carry my toddler?
Yes absolutely! Big kids need carrying too. Get booked on to a back carrying workshop. Carrying a heavier load (aka your toddler) on your back is going to be a more effective way of spreading their weight.

Barry has his own clinic in Chelmsford, has appointments 7 days a week and offers a fantastic discount to babywearing mums and dads. Check out his website here to book! https://www.essexsportsrehab.com/offers/

What have I done so wrong?

21/2/2019

What have I done so wrong?
I talk all the time about creating foundations of love, creating secure attachments. About not creating rods for your back.
But recently I've questioned it all. Not for you, but for me.

Because Anna still doesn't sleep well.
She won't let me go to the toilet on my own.
She still needs to bed share for a high proportion of the night.
She likes to sit on my lap when we're chilling out.
She still breastfeeds to sleep.
She is incredibly strong willed, not chilled out.
She likes to sleep on my face.

You see, in the circle I move in, we often use the example. "Oh no babywearing doesn't create clingy children. It's the opposite, it creates such a strong bond that they are super dooper independent and great with other kids - look my toddler is no where to be seen..." Apart from Anna.

Where is her secure attachment? Where is her ability to sleep soundly? Why can't I pee on my own without absolute trauma from her because I've shut the door? Why does she still wake so often in the night?

What have I done wrong?
Surely I've ticked all the attachment boxes?
Responded to her needs ✓
Fed her on demand ✓
Co-slept ✓
Carried her exclusively ✓

So why isn't she a calm angel toddler?
Why is she still "clingy"? And I use that word even though I hate it. Because when she was a baby, I was ok with the clingy. Now she's a bigger, shouldn't we be sorted?

Honestly, I've felt like a fraud.
I felt like I was talking bullshit - that maybe I am creating a rod for my back...?

I allowed doubt to creep. You know those little seeds of doubt that have been sewn. You know the ones I'm desperate to not take root in YOU. well I let them in here. And I pushed back against the clingy. "What have I done wrong?". Because people have said "well you know it's your fault she still doesn't sleep through the night..." Etc.

I've sat with it for a while.
I've asked for advice from people I trust.
The answer.
NOTHING. I've done nothing wrong.
She's 2.
And there is a secure attachment base.
So fucking secure that she can express her needs completely.
She needs me.
She still needs me.
Because she's just 2.
She still likes a cuddle to sleep.
(Heck I still like being cuddled to sleep).
And when she wakes up she wants a cuddle.
I get that too.

So I've done nothing wrong.
She is just Anna.
She has such a strong foundation of love in her parents that she can completely demand for her needs to be met. And they are real needs.
Whether it's not to be left alone while I pee. Or to have her chicken cut up on a pink plate.

Thank goodness.
I've done it right.
Trust the foundations of love. (I still believe it)
Bring on the cuddles.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

What I wished I had known

27/1/2019

Things I wish I'd known about the fourth trimester
Yesterday was my son Luke's 8th birthday. on birthdays I always find myself thinking back to when he was a baby, his birth, the early days.

I have never found the early months after having a new baby the easiest. Actually they have been down right difficult and challenging both emotionally and physically. I have experienced post natal anxiety, doubted everything, feared for my marriage, lost my confidence and in all honesty found everything very overwhelming.

I remember writing something like
"Welcome to the world new baby evans. We're all so in love" as my Facebook status (I'm not sure for which child... whoops). I loved my babies deeply, from the moment I knew I was pregnant, but when they were born the feeling wasn't that rush of being head over heels in love.

I wrote the Facebook post because I wanted it to be true. I wanted everyone to think how shiny and wonderful it all was. I wrote it because it's what I saw others write and though that's what you should do. I wrote it because I wanted everyone to think I was a good mum.

No one would want to read something like:
"Welcome to the world baby Evans. Mummy is fucking exahusted, not sure how she's going to cope over the next few months, her nipples are already excuriciatingly painful and she is terrified of going to the toilet".

The expectations I placed on myself or perhaps the societal expectations on new mums is huge. Everything should be shiny and wonderful (but not too shiny - think of the backlash to duchess Catherine when she looked stunning hours after giving birth). It's right and proper that we welcome a new baby into the world with joy. But I think there is a massive difference between joy at the birth of a baby, gratitude for the new life, and feeling "happy" or even the giddy feeling of being "in love".

(I know that some people really do feel like this ❤️)

By the time we had Anna, I had cottoned on to realise that these were tough days/weeks/months for me. We put into place some things that I hoped would make a difference. These are the things I wished I known before I experienced the fourth trimester.

(Maybe it would have stopped the crippling anxiety or maybe it would have just made things a bit easier. )

1. Lean into it.
If only I'd know how much my babies would need me. And actually I think it's shocked me each time. Their needs, although simple (really), are all consuming. That can be overwhelming. Especially with family or society telling you to "get them into a routine" "put them down" "stop feeding so much".

I wish someone had said to me "dear Chiara, lean into it. It won't last forever, so sit back and let the fourth trimester wash over you. Don't fight with feeding schedules, don't worry about routine, bedtime. Cuddle all day if that's what they need, and that is a real need."

2. Expect the hormones
Day 3-5 bloody hell. Batton down the hatches. Let the tears come. You're not doing anything this is normal. But so so hard. It will pass. I know how unhelpful it is to hear it at the time but it will. You will get through these days. The hormones are there for a reason. Welcome them. Ride it out. And know that they will play a huge role for sometime!

3. Be kind to yourself
And while you're riding out the hormones, the seep deprivation, the round the clock feeding, the recovery from birth, be nice to yourself. I mean don't be hard on yourself for not feeling happy all the time. Don't punish yourself for doubting your choices. Don't look over the day telling yourself off for all the things you think you've done wrong. This is not a time to do anything other than survive. So be nice. Focus on the basics. Eat, drink, go to the toilet. (And a sling will help with these things) because actually, you're doing fine.

4. Rest
This is a tricky one because babies keep you up all night. And when someone told me to sleep when the baby slept my anxiety would sky rocket. Because I feared when the baby would wake up and need feeding again. It felt like the cruelest punishment to be woken up after 5 mins of sleep that I was so full of stress I couldn't sleep.

But rest is important. Sit, watch TV, with baby. Don't move from the sofa! Baby doesn't mind, they just want to be with you. And if you have a toddler, it's ok to watch Peppa pig on repeat for a few weeks. It just is.

And finally, trust the love. Trust the bond you already have. Because you won't always feel it. But it is there. Some days are too hard. Some days are just a grind. I'm finding that parenting is an exercise in blind faith. Where you need to trust in that love which is there, even when we don't feel happy, or pleased. But you can know that deep deep down you are connected, "the tie between a mother and child is greater than just how the mother feels on a particular day". Trust yourself that you've got this.

A worldly funk; am I making a difference?

13/12/2018

I've been feeling in a worldly funk recently. Climate change makes me panic. Global hunger, world peace, instability. Refugees needing homes, Brexit. NHS funding cuts, education funding cuts...etc. I've been feeling like my small personal efforts make no difference. I've felt powerless. I'm going to go so far as to say I've felt the earth do a sort of groan when I turn on my car. What am I doing to make a difference? How can I change things without either becoming an enclosed nun and hiding from my worries or becoming an eco warrior. How is my day to day bringing about positivity? (I'm the sort of person who likes a bigger picture, a wholesome goal...)

It hits home too when Christmas is so freaking commercial. When save the children Christmas jumper day involved dragging my upset toddler around the shops buying NON ethically made Christmas jumpers and putting them on the credit card. What is that all about?!

And then my eldest daughter is having a crappy time at school. At a time when we are "meant" to be happy and jolly and loving. This has prompted a letter from us to school. My husband who has a fantastic way with words has written this line "on a grand scale minute, [but incredibly important]".

That line.

What I am doing is on a grand scale minute, but incredibly important.

In that one line he describes how I've felt about recycling, walking (not driving) voting, and most importantly how we're raising our children and even in the running of this business, babywearing.

That our small and minute actions matter. Babywearing matters. Supporting other parents to do this matters. Because carrying our babies matters. It is a tool. Yes. And I get caught up in the practicalities of the tool. That we want to be safe and comfy. That we want to have a sling that looks good and that fits the price range. One that will last from newborn to toddler. I want parents to come to sling meets, for our sling hire targets to be met...

But it's so much more than that. That is the minute.

The grand scale is knowing that attachment actually impacts the growth of the brain. Secure attachment, bonds with care givers, are not just nice extras but vital to development of that person. To me there is a link from this to us as adults as members of society. I'm not saying that by using a buggy we are causing problems (because it's way more than just using a buggy or a sling). But I am saying that these small actions, such as carrying our babies, responding to them in a way we may once have been discouraged to do (self soothing/cry it out), makes a difference.

This is why it matters. Because we need, now more than ever, for each generation to learn from science, to change the world, not just drain it. Personally, emotionally, naturally.
Secure attachment is a foundation of love. And this world needs more love. We all need more love.

I see you, mama

8/12/2018

To the mama who is feeling like she's failing, who feels like she is constantly juggling all the things. I see you. I get it.

To the mama who is feeling like her feet don't touch the ground at the moment while Christmas crazy takes over. It's ok to say no to some things (or just not show up).

To the mama who locks herself into the bathroom because she just needs to be somewhere that no one can get her for two minutes, I've done that.

For the mama who is in a constant state of anxiety and worry. Worry about the kids, the house, the money, the world. I wish I could take the worry away for a few moments.

Sometimes I think about what would happen if I broke my leg. Would the magic fairies turn up and tell me to sit down, they'll look after my children, the house, the dogs, the business, the finances. It'll all be fine. And then I realise that a broken leg would just mean trying to figure out how to do the school run with a cast on.

Most of the mamas I know don't stop. You never bloody stop. You keep going through it all. You do the day shift and the night shift. You keep going when you're poorly. You keep going when the kids are poorly and the delicate balance of family life is teetering on the edge. You keep going when you've had no sleep, when you've just give birth and to the other extreme, when you've lost someone. Just take a minute and marvel at that. When you're feeling your lowest, that you have no strength left and your cup is bone dry, you carry on.

I don't really have any practical magical solutions. I don't know the magic fairies who will move in and make it all ok. I wish I did. I have no family nearby. It's just me and my little (big) family.

But I'm discovering things that help me.

Doing things I enjoy. I enjoy a good box of biscuits and a game of monopoly or cards. (Even if I loose and the toddler is a nightmare). I make the family go to the beach on the first day of every school holiday. It helps me not feel the overwhelm of feeling like I'm not giving my kids a good holiday. Finding things that prioritise me and when I'm happy the kids are too.

Say no to things/yes to everything
I'm someone who needs just a few activities a week. Otherwise the crazy sets in. I have a good friend of mine who needs to be doing lots of things. Get the balance right. Say yes to things or say no to things. Listen to what YOU need to do.

Be kind to yourself. Please, for fucks sake, start being nice to yourself. It's not something I'm good at. But I'm working on it. It makes a massive difference. Cut yourself some slack. You're human. A pretty wonderful one. But your in a body that is dependent on the weather, the food, the hormones, the sleep. Some days you'll feel fab and others not so. Neither is better than the other. So be kind.

Let go of perfection. I have high standards. But I'm learning to let go. Not everything needs doing today.

Babywear (well I had to include it.) But for real, one of the things I like about it, is that baby or toddler feels happy (or not but at least cuddles, ya know). You have your hands free. Go for a walk, play on your phone, listen to a podcast. Let the sling take the strain for a while.

I want you to know that you are seen and noticed. Your hard work is not for nothing. Even when it feels like it is. Mothering is a gift to the whole world. Thank you. And be kind to you xx

Have yourself a babywearing Christmas

30/11/2018

Have yourself a babywearing Christmas
How babywearing can massively help at this time of year...

I blooming love the anticipation of Christmas. A scroll on Pinterest at the end of November, a quick Amazon order on black Friday and I feel well prepared. In reality, I find Christmas preparations fairly stressful and time consuming. We have made a massive effort in the last few years to tone it down. Get back to basics and just enjoy time with the kiddos.

But even with my best efforts to turn down the crazy, December is still a bit mental. For me, babywearing has been vital to getting it all done and staying sane. (Maybe)

So even if babywearing isn't normally something you do, or you're thinking your baby is too big or too old, read on...because this is going to be one of those parenting hacks that really helps with managing it all and still meeting baby's needs...

1. Shopping
Even if it's not the big Christmas present shop, everywhere is busier now right? Using a sling can make life so much easier. Baby is settled. You've got hands free to pick things, you can navigate your way through busy shops/stairs/escalators etc with ease. And for toddlers, back carrying is an amazing way to stay connected in what can be an incredibly overwhelming situation. And they can't run away!

2. Family
Do you have well meaning family who are desperate to hold the baby? Auntie dear who has a raging cold but insists she wants a cuddle? A sling or carrier makes quite the excellent barrier to stop that. It keeps baby calm and settled rather than passed around which can overstimulate them and lead to upset quite quickly. (obviously if your baby and you don't mind then that's cool).

3. Nap time
Routines are off whack, dinner is at a funny time, everyone is staying up later, it's noisy and crazy. Protect nap time (and stop the overtired baby problems) by getting baby off to sleep in the sling or carrier. Toddlers and preschoolers too. It can be their safe space, their place.of rest and calm amongst the hustle and bustle. No screaming meltdowns because they just need a nap! (And while we're at it, if that well meaning relative we mentioned above suggests you're making a rod for your own back, stick two pencils in your ears, pants on your head and say "bibble")***

4. Christmas carol concerts/Nativity plays etc
The letter came home the other day for Samuels carol concert, babies are very welcome but prams and buggies are not! So sling it is. And actually a baby or toddler in a sling, you can wander around at the back, keep the baby calm, see better and stop them being unhappy sitting down - win win!

5. The church service.
I love a christmas church service. It's always so busy and merry. But similar to at the carol concert, babies who want to crawl around can be tricky. Slings are great in church. Baby is usually happy, especially if there is lots of singing and standing up! Anna was actually baptised while asleep in the sling!

6. All the prep. All the jobs.
So.many.things.to.do
I find my time well filled in December. From remembering to stuff the advent calendar to decorating to posting cards...there is always something to do. And let's not forget turkey day itself! Guess what, baby in a sling and carry on!

7. The walks!
Anyone else love a walk on Christmas day or boxing day? Or a zoo visit on boxing Day. Wonderful. Get off the beaten track with babywearing for sure.

8. The days out.
Have you got days out planned? We are trying to have family days out instead of mucho presents. It works really nicely for us. A sling is so handy to use public transport with ease, stay connected with your baby, see things together...

9. The movies/the witching hour...
Babies, although they may enjoy the twinkling lights, they don't really care it's Christmas. The witching hour carries on, baby's still need all the normal comforts. Baby in a sling, walk around the lounge and enjoy a Christmas movie. Whats your favourite? Mine has to be the holiday.

So there you have it, how babywearing is gonna save Christmas. Or at least make it just that bit easier. 💖
come along to a sling library session and we'll happily help you find a great sling!
***if you get this reference you get 1000000 bonus points!

babywearing and dog walking top tips

14/11/2018

Before I had children (and dogs) I totally had visions of long beautiful countryside walks at sunset, dog gently lolloping at my feet. Children singing in harmony as we walked...some sort of cross between a Disney movie and the sound of music...well something like that any way.

The reality is my dogs are nutty and my children would rather play football or light sabers than sing in four part harmony while we go for a blissful walk together. (What was I thinking?)

But life with children and dogs must go on, even after having had a baby. Dogs still need walking/exercising and babywearing is an excellent way of managing it all. Baby will usually be happy to snooze in the sling - win win.

Here are the things that have helped me carry on with babies and dogs in tow...and for those seasoned babywearers and dog walkers id love to know any extra tips!

1. Good footwear
Start with the basics. You don't want to be slipping in the wet or ice while out dog walking in all weathers. Getting something that is warm, cosy, comfy and waterproof with non slip grip has been a game changer for me. You don't want to come in from a dog walk, baby sound asleep in the sling and have to wake baby up to change socks because they are soaking. I cannot love my north face snow boots any more than I already do.
https://www.thenorthface.co.uk/shop/en-gb/tnf-gb/women-footwear/womens-nuptse-purna-ii-32y7?variationId=YXW

2. Layers are your friend
\nFor you and baby while out in all weathers. Go for thin layers. Use thin thermal base layers for you. And something over the top of you and baby (babywearing coat/large zippy top/maternity coat etc) remember that the sling counts as layers of clothing, depending on how many layers the sling has. So protecting extremities from the cold or heat is going to be really important. No SNOWSUITS for baby. These all in one footless and non padded suits are amazing though https://www.babipur.co.uk/organic-baby-clothes/baby-coats-jackets-snowsuits/frugi-baby-snuggle-suit-scandi-birds.html

3. Choosing the "right" time for baby
For me, certainly in the early days of breastfeeding around the clock, I would feed the baby and then go. Because chances are after that baby would happily sleep in the sling and I didn't have to worry that baby would be hungry imminently. And for the doggy...We got our first dog (sooty) after Bethany and Luke were out of slings. Samuel came along shortly after getting soot and he very quickly associated me putting the sling on with walk time and would bounce around like the nutty Labrador he is which wasn't very helpful. So babywear at other times too! Then it's not *just* a dog walking tool! (We did, sooty is just a chancer!)

4. Back carrying
From around 6 months, when baby can sit well unaided, back carrying is another game changer. It coincided for us with the time I couldn't see over baby's head any more and so back carrying made dog walking so much easier. Come along to our next workshop! :) https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/back-carrying-with-buckles-workshop-tickets-52153072243

5. Squat don't bend
Yep I'm talking about picking up the poop. Very many times I see a mama in at a library session who wants a sling for dog walking, pop one on, and she tries to bend over and see if the sling is supportive enough to pick up poop. Squat! Don't bend! It's all about the squat. It's not going to be comfy for you or baby to bend over. Baby's weight will pull you forward and baby's head will not be well supported. Work on those squats. Keep your back straight - that's the way to do it!

6. Choice of sling and bag
I've used both a woven and buckles while out with the doggies. Whichever is most comfy for you is fine. I would say, make sure you're happy with how it feels before going on a dog walk, especially if it's a wrap (woven or stretchy) as you don't really want to be adjusting mid walk. Give yourself just an extra minute or so to get it just right before heading off. And for my bag, I use an over the body bag. Keys, phone, purse and poo bags in an over the body bag which works for both back and front carrying. I like to have everything accessable so a small bag works well.

7. Basic commands - practise.
Well this is less about babywearing itself, but incredibly helpful while babywearing. Leave, wait, drop and go home have been necessary so I'm not having to chase after a dog with a baby in a sling haha!

8. Short lead.
I'm not a fan of extendable leads or long leads while babywearing. I don't want the chance of my dogs (cos they will) crossing in front of me or suddenly pulling at the end of the lead. It's a trip hazard for you and baby.

9. Ball launcher and fetch
You've probably already got one, but totally 100% necessary for babywearing. You don't want to be having to squat down and pick up a slobbery dog ball every 2 minutes with baby in the sling! Also, a good game of fetch rather than a mega long walk is pretty perfect, especially when you're in that fourth trimester still. (See next point)

10. Take it easy and let go of the guilt
Yes the dog needs to go out, but if you've just had a baby, be kind to yourself. A good run around a field and a fun game of fetch is great too and less toll on your recovering post natal body than a 5 mile hike. Let go of the guilt of your new baby changing things for your dog. Your dog knows you still love them. And another worry to ditch is baby sleeping in the sling. THIS IS A GOOD THING! You might hear some well meaning person who says "oh baby will only sleep in the sling" don't worry! It's not always going to be true and while baby enjoys slingy dog walks it's perfect!

So that's it. I hope that's helpful and happy babywearing and dog walking!

Piers Morgan & dealing with the critics

17/10/2018

Dealing with the critics of babywearing.

Piers Morgan, a (well meaning?) relative, a stranger in the street, a friend who parents differently...

Doesn't your baby walk yet?
You're creating a rod for your back.
She'll grow up clingy...
It's emasculating? (Wtf?)
Can't you afford a buggy?

This nonsense with Piers Morgan is doing my nut. The guy wants air time and controversy. The idea of babywearing being emasculating is just insane. To be honest, it's tantamount to saying that parenting itself is emasculating, changing a nappy is emasculating, playing with your child is emasculating. That it's women's work only. That the perceived soft and gentle aspects of parenting are feminine only. Wtf?

Gender identity is something we are coming to understand more about as a society. I firmly believe that we all have unique roles. That labels do not need to define us and restrict us. I identify as a woman and a mother but my definition of what that means to me is mine only and probably will change as I continue in this role.

I also believe that different aspects of parenting and humanity as a whole can be learned from different people. To restrict some aspects of raising the next generation because of outdated gender stereotypes is just just so ridiculous to me.

This sort of media coverage and the words from others can, and do, sometimes get under our skin, especially when we are doing something that is a little bit against the grain. (Such as babywearing)

My dear departed grandma once just turned to me and said "you look weird". We were at the horse racing with her well-to-do friends and I had Samuel in a woven wrap on my back. I did look weird I suppose in that context. In that context, surrounded by people of my grandma's generation, it was alien that I would want to be attached to my child, to put my child's needs above how I looked at the races.

It is an experience that has stayed with me. I thought long and hard about it because my bond with my grandma was so strong. Why would she react so badly to my desire to stay close to my babies? Especially when she loved cuddles with the grandchildren.

Another experience that has stayed with me is one that happened quite recently. Someone mentioned that I was "unusual" to have carried Anna exclusively. That even most babywearers use a buggy from time to time (true). I heard it as a criticism (it wasn't intended as such, just the way j hears it...). That I was odd. And odd is bad.

Here's the thing, I'm not making a political statement with my babywearing. I am simply parenting in a way that works for me and my family. I believe strongly that babywearing, attachment and building foundations of love are bloody important. And I consider myself super lucky that I found the babywearing world AND get to share the love for it. (But it's not the ONLY and EXCLUSIVE way to build attachment...)

I have found myself that when I am quick to criticise another's parenting, it can often be because it has triggered something in me. I wonder if that's the case with babywearing?

So how to deal with the criticism?

Well I choose not to listen to silly TV people who have extreme things to say about it. These people will never invite considered conversation, and so the discussion is mute. The fact that they keep calling it a papoose is beyond awful journalism and into the down right ignorant.

My grandma and I had many conversations about the understanding we have of neurobiology now and the developing brain of a baby and how attachments helps. But it wasn't something she was interested in. So I became aware of needing to let it go.

Strangers on the street? You are not responsible for how they perceive you babywearing. We are still a society where it is normal to give birth to a baby and then put the baby down. Babywearing is a challenge to that perception of parenting.

Focus on you and your family. What you're doing and why you love it. Listen to the critics, decide if their words serve you and if not, let them go.

Finally, Piers. My husband is a man. He babywears. He changes nappies and even plays tea parties with the toddler. I see a wonderful dad, the person I fell in love with, a kind, fun and generous human being. Not an emasculated man.

Autumn Wardrobe - Babywearing Hacks

4/9/2018

Autumn babywearing - wardrobe hacks
It feels suddenly a bit colder huh? Time flies so fast, seems like only yesterday I was writing about hot weather babywearing tips! But here we are, I'm in a sweatshirt and blanket season is fast approaching...

Actually babywearing during the autumn is one of my most favourite times of year. Just cool enough to snuggle up but not so cold that you've gotta use a big coat.

Here are my wardrobe hacks for babywearing during the autumn

Snuggly cardigan for you
Rather than over dressing your little one, use a big cardigan around the both of you if you're front carrying. Easy to unwrap a bit if you're getting to warm or just take off as its over the sling.

Sweatshirt
I love simple layers that don't get caught in the sling while babywearing. A sweatshirt does just that. Favourite is definitely my Selfish Mother one.

Long vest top tucked into trousers.
Nothing worse than your sling pulling up your top and exposing the small of your back to the cold air. Eek. I love an extra long vest top that can be tucked in, and stay put, while putting on the sling.

Thin undershirt
Layered under a t-shirt, this keeps you warm but not too warm without the bulk going on under your sling. I really don't like bulky under my sling. It's too difficult to get comfy and a tight carry (v.important)

Babywearing hoodie/large zippy top.
When it's really got a bite in the air a proper babywearing hoodie is a brilliant buy. I especially like this boba one. slumber-roo.co.uk/product/195/boba-hoodies/boba-/babywearing-adult-clothes
Or just use an extra large zippy top. (Mine often stolen from my poor husband while on a walk!)

Babywearing booties for baby
Little feet which are exposed in the sling are going to be the first to get cold. For small babies, I really love these babywearing booties. They stay on and stay warm. Brilliant. Highly reccomend these from Sewn Down Purple Lane. http://www.sewndownpurplelane.co.uk/index.php/products-prices/footwear/

And rain?
Well I never really got on with any babywearing raincoats that have holes for the baby. Mostly because the baby would panic and scream and I would be stressed ....but if you're calmer than me a good babywearing raincoat works...
But actually I just found that an oversized lightweight raincoat could fit over both me and bubs front or back carrying and because I was hands free I could hold a sturdy umbrella 💥

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