Blog Posts

September 14th, 2019

14/9/2019

Do you know what's really pissing me off at the moment? The stripping of power, the lack of trust and the guilt that parents have to deal with.

Because it shouldn't be like this.

It starts from the beginning doesn't it?

You *should* put the baby down now.
They *should* be sleeping on their own.
They *should* be sleeping for at least 4 hours at night now (at ten weeks old)
You *shouldn't* feed them to sleep
You *shouldn't* rock them to sleep
You *shouldn't* use the sling to get them to sleep
You *should* leave them now
The baby *should* be doing xyz by now...
You *should* space out their feeds
They *shouldn't* need feeding again
Your toddler *shouldn't* still be in your bed at night
Your toddler *should* walk by themselves now...

I could go on and on and on...

Sometimes these things said to us are truly from a good place. Often they are said because we are on our knees with tiredness and compassionate people around us who care for us, see our giving to our children as the root of the tiredness. And if only we could find a way of not giving so much it would be easier = we'd be less tired.

Other times it's said from a person in authority, following a chart, averages and books. the danger here being they are not taking the whole situation into account. And potentially, making the situation worse...

And they could be said to us out of fear or through our parenting triggering someone else. Perhaps because they followed all the shoulds and shouldnts against their gut??
This world right now is a really fucking hard place to raise children (and I'm sure all generations would say the same...) But our world is under very real threat of growing catastrophe from climate change. Our county stands to suffer at the hands of some of our political leaders in a way not seen before. The worldwide news of troubled times across the globe is ever present to us...

And in conjunction with this global situation, we have more knowledge than we've ever had before about neuroscience /psychology, how all that we do and say has an impact on our children, their self worth and their mental health. And because of this we're a generation where many of us are having to heal from our own parenting trauma.

We're also a generation that is forced into two-parent working families more often than not. Because the cost of living is so fucking high. We're a generation of parents who, for many many many of us, live without the extended family back up and so we joke "the juggle is real". But it's no joke. Raising kids, working, maintaining a marriage, not fucking up your kids, being eco friendly and don't forget self care and exercise oh and making sure dinner is always healthy and nutritious. Argh.

And so parenting guilt from those who impose the shoulds and shouldn'ts on us, in combination with the knowledge of the world we're in is a recipe for doubt, fear and worry.
We worry for our children, we're on our own, desperate not to fuck up. Desperate to get it right, (because apparently there is a "right" way to parent). And this leaves us vulnerable to the shoulds and shouldn'ts. It leaves is so desperate for someone to say "yes you're doing it right" that often we hear "but you're also getting it wrong".

We want someone to tell us what to do to alleviate some of the pressure and responsibility. But then if we don't meet the mark, we feel like we're failing.

Because we question ourselves
We doubt our heart
We don't feel empowered

I have been privileged to listen to two conversations this week. Both times a mama was worrying about their babies sleep and needing their mama or mamas milk to sleep. And the response the first time was

"Don't worry, you are all your baby needs, everything they need is right here."

And the second time

"Just do what feels right to you, all babies are different."

My wish for you right now, even for a moment, is that you can believe what your heart says. Trust in you. Feel it in your gut. You know your baby. And that you can receive help when you want it, that inspires you, empowers you and doesn't make you feel shit.

You've got this

Xx

Anxiety, babywearing and dance-sling

5/9/2019

Anxiety has become an unwelcome companion for me. Waking up, greeted by the sick feeling in my stomach is pretty much a daily occurrence. As a new mum (and even now at times, if I’m honest) one of my biggest anxiety triggers was leaving my children. I became terrified of my babies feeling abandoned by me. At its worst, anxiety has been so extreme that I have become afraid of and panicking at seeing a police helicopter overhead because I have been convinced that they were hunting for me and that I was going to be taken away by them. I have avoided driving (the longest period was for 18 months) because I couldn’t bear the idea of abandoning my children if I had a car crash. It meant that I struggled with any family gathering where others would want to cuddle my babies, because I didn’t want them to worry I wasn’t there. Hearing my baby cry, even for a second, was too hard, because I didn’t want them to feel abandoned by me. Leaving one of my (especially an at the time breastfed) babies even to pop to the shop which was five minutes away, was impossible. Anyway, I could go on but enough of that, you get the idea...

Now I know that all of these are my issues from my own childhood, and I’m working on it. But the tricky thing is that these things often come up when we have our own children and so we’ve got to battle them at the same time as trying to raise our children to be happy and healthy, loved and attached.

So what’s a mama to do when she’s struggling with all of this, trying to understand that her own experiences are having an impact on her parenting experience, not mess up her own children, and then becomes overwhelmed with anxiety and the pressures of motherhood. (Sleep deprivation and hormones are a feeder for my anxiety).

(A side note, if any of these thoughts resonate with you, or you experience anxiety which is affecting your everyday, please reach out for help from your GP.)

Well babywearing was certainly a massive parenting game changer for me. In the early days of motherhood I didn’t piece all of this together. I didn’t realise that what I was feeling was anxiety because I had no level of comparison. I had no idea if this was normal or not. And the general mood around me was one of expectation of celebration and then leaving the parents to it. So I didn’t sit down and realise that I was suffering from postnatal anxiety triggered by fears of abandoning my child which was a reflection of my own childhood experiences (and I certainly don’t quite understand it all now). And I didn’t link babywearing with a lessening of my anxiety for some time. It just felt good and right. I felt held together in a way that is hard to explain, but for those of you who get it, I know you understand what I mean.

I could breathe a sigh of relief. In the moment of carrying the baby, I could meet their needs. I wasn’t worrying that they would be feeling abandoned. (Again, totally my issue...).

And babywearing works both ways. Actually one of the reasons to pick up the sling for me and my eldest, and give it a try, was because my baby didn’t want to be put down. So the need for closeness was mutual.

Fast forward a few years and the fortunate meeting between me and Ruth (one of our dance teachers) happened. And long story short, dance-sling was born.

What’s all of my anxiety got to do with dance-sling I hear you ask?

Well, we all know this, parenting can be hard, add in any kind of mental health struggle and things can get a bit erm, messy. So much advice for things like anxiety is very wholesome. Do some yoga, practise meditation, focus on your breathing, do something creative just for you, have some me time. Go to bed early, eat well. All of this advice, great though it is, didn’t feel within my grasp. Because I was a mum and a mum with anxiety over leaving her children at that.

And so the concept of having a dance class where it truly is something for parents WITHOUT having to leave their babies (and the babies love it) is clearly something I believe in.

Dance can heal.

It’s not just me who has struggled with anxiety. Around one in five women will experience a mental health problem during pregnancy or in the year after giving birth. And it’s thought that of the general population one in four of us are suffering. The world is a tricky enough place to live in these days. If we can have an hour in the week to do something that will help us, in our very chemical make-up, to feel better, this can have far reaching powers. A happy parent is a parent more able to parent. What does that mean, well, those days when my anxiety spikes I’m not on top parenting form. I simply can’t be.

And there is real science behind the power of dance and baby wearing in combination and I’m a massive fan of giving my body the best chance I can of dealing with any anxiety.

During a dance class we experience exercise endorphins. The bodies own happy hormones. Natural painkillers. Lifting the mood making us feel happy. Not only that but “regular exercise can positively impact serotonin levels in your brain. Raising your levels of serotonin boosts your mood and overall sense of well-being. It can also help improve your appetite and sleep cycles, which are often negatively affected by depression.”

Regular exercise also helps balance your body’s level of stress hormones, such as adrenaline. Adrenaline plays a crucial role in your fight-or-flight response, but too much of it can damage your health.

While babywearing we experience a rush of oxytocin - the love hormone. Bonding us with our babies. Making us feel loved, them feel loved. Connecting us together. This means that our attachment deepens, and here is the magic. This attachment connection has a life long impact on our babies brain. Babywearing can build attachment, attachment can build healthy brains. “For a child who is well attached to us, we are her home base from which to venture into the world, her retreat to fall back to, her fountainhead of inspiration.” (Hold on to your kids). And for us too, oxytocin helps lower the cortisol we produce. Lowering blood pressure. (Great for someone with a racing heart from anxiety). Which in turn can have an effect on our oestrogen production and effect our mood that way. Seriously this stuff is powerful.

Do you have to be struggling with anxiety to come to dance class to feel all this magic? Nope, these chemical/hormonal reactions, they are for everyone. WIN!

Is dance-sling going to cure any anxiety on its own? Well, no. But it is an activity that is on your side. It is an hour to work hard on getting the brain to focus on something completely different. It’s an hour where baby is most likely to be chilled out in the sling. An hour to let go of the worry.

And of course, we’d love to welcome you to dance-sling. You can book a spot here:
http://www.naturallyhappyfamilies.co.uk/dance-sling-class.html

Babywearing: an eco-positive parenting action

4/7/2019

It's plastic free July right now. Plastic over use, climate change and the inaction of our government (talking the talk but not really walking the walk) is massively close to my heart (or more like the pit of my stomach where I feel constantly sick with anxiety about this).

We need a massive shift in the way we live our lives to achieve the results needed to rectify the dangerous path of climate change. I believe that babywearing, as a parenting choice, can be an eco responsible, and indeed plastic free option, which can lead to all sorts of other eco responsible decisions and can actually be part of what brings about that shift in the way we live our lives, that is so dearly needed.

Here are my thoughts on how babywearing can be an eco responsible, plastic free or plastic sensible choice, and how we can reduce, reuse and recycle our slings.

Connection, attachment, healthy brains and resilience.
Babywearing is, for me, ultimately about connection. It's about laying foundations of love. It's about building on your bond, because proximity (being physically close to your child in the sling) builds connection and connection builds attachment. Through secure attachments we have children who grow up with healthy brains, who are able to handle stress in a healthy way. Who are able to turn to us in times of trouble. This is life long in its impact, and will be even more necessary with the uncertain future we are facing. We need our children to be resilient and heart and mind healthy. (This is not to say that a sling is the only way of doing this, but is definitely a helpful practical tool to enable this, and help mitigate the pressure on parents to do this in the societal structure we have at the moment, where families are, in most cases, left on their own to figure it out, which isn't really how bringing up children is designed).

A note too on society and what it's telling us at the moment. We are told that we should have independent children from a very young age. Meaning our children are able to self settle, self sooth, sleep on their own and generally not need us and it’s seen as a failing by us if they do. But really we know that we need to be in this together. To solve the problems our world faces, this is a team effort. And so we want interdependencewith our children not independence - we're in this together.

“The urgent challenge to protect our common home includes a concern to bring the whole human family together to seek a sustainable and integral development, for we know that things can change.” Pope Francis Laudato Si (13)

A different way of looking at the world and parenting.
“If we approach nature and the environment without this openness to awe and wonder, if we no longer speak the language of fraternity and beauty in our relationship with the world, our attitude will be that of masters, consumers, ruthless exploiters, unable to set limits on their immediate needs. By contrast, if we feel intimately united with all that exists, then sobriety and care will well up spontaneously.”

Babywearing can give a sense of freedom. Freedom to go places of awe and wonder with our children (through the forest, along the beach, up a mountain, stargazing...). It can bring us to a place of connection with nature, because we can be out in nature in complete freedom, with our family. From which springs love, concern and a desire to preserve our natural world.

It gives us the option of saying "I can make this journey on public transport instead of using my car, I can walk this instead of using my car". Those newborn days where many babies hate the car seat, using a sling instead and ditching the car can be liberating. Win win. Its exactly what I did with Anna for her first year and a half. It meant I was free to travel around without the constant stress and worry because she was crying in the back of the car without me.

Allows us to fall down the eco rabbit hole.
Since joining (in particular) the online babywearing world, I have been introduced to so many eco ideas. Joined all the save the planet Facebook groups (who in the babywearing world hasnt heard of or shopped with babipur...) Cloth nappies might even be the next step which often comes hand in hand with those babywearing and entering into it as parenting life style choice.

Choosing your own sling
Part of our power to change the world lies in our consumer choices. In terms of which sling to buy, we can consider the ethical and environmental standards of a company as part of our decision making process. I'd like to share with you something from one of our favourite companies.

“Integra ethics are fundamental. We ensure the exceptionally high standards of our products and carefully source all elements. We at Integra choose vegetable inks, recycled card/paper and carbon neutral couriers. Integra offers fair working conditions, proudly supporting our staff through parenthood and family life. All Integra carriers are made in Somerset, UK. We are continually mindful of our carbon footprint. Our packaging is intentionally minimal – resulting in light and compact packaging. We take our responsibilities to the environment, and each other, consciously.”

Once we've decided that babywearing is something you want to do, making a decision about which one to buy is massive. Firstly, please do come along to a sling library to at least try some on. Find ONE that works for you. Often, before a baby is born we hit the shops, pick up the cheapest carrier on the shelves, or a popular brand name carrier, and assume it'll be fine, because they're all the same right?? But actually you find that one is no good to you, and ends up in landfill as you replace it with the one you find by coming along to sling library.

So challenge me when you come to sling library, which slings fit the ethical bill...(star rating coming soon)

Try a woven wrap
The ultimate plastic free sling is going to be a woven wrap. And many companies are now producing wraps using organically produced fabrics and often using cotton alternatives (to avoid the high water and energy consumption of using cotton) such as hemp. And at the end of the babywearing life of a woven wrap it can be passed on or made into a family heirloom which can be treasured for years to come.

There is limited plastic even in a buckle carrier
If a buckle carrier is for you, there is so little plastic in the carrier. Again with care, these can last for years and years, and can be passed around friends and family. Manufacturers are creating more and more adjustable carriers meaning they genuinely last from newborn to toddler. So no need for multiple slings. That's a consumption of product saver in itself. And see point 1. Babywearing is so good for us, baby, our family and the world, that a bit of plastic is worth it in my opinion. We can get so caught up I’m trying to make the “right” decision that we trip up. We need to remember the bigger picture here, and that is, babywearing is good for baby, us, our family and the world.

Reduce, reuse and recycle.
I think we have become very used to being able to buy whatever we like. Everyone owns what they want and need, even if that product already exists. And if you're at the beginning of your family, or your baby is very little and you've found a sling that is going to work for you long term, buying one is a great idea. But if you're needing a sling for a shorter period of time, or won't be reusing it, consider borrowing one long term perhaps from a friend or even hiring one from a sling library.

And if you’re going to buy one, consider second hand. Let's face it, there are many many slings out there. Often at bargain prices. Find the one you want to buy, hit the Facebook sales groups and buy a Preloved one. Which is going to look like what a brand new one will in a matter of days. (Check out our buying second hand slings guide here).

I would also challenge the desire to buy and own lots of different slings, especially if bought new. We need to change the rate at which we purchase things. To slow down the consumption of products. We do not need ten wraps, five buckle carriers, three ring slings and a sling in each car. We might want them and love them, but we don’t need them.

The practicals of an eco responsible day out while babywearing
So even a day out can create a lot of need for a baby or small person. And so jumping in the car can seem like an easier option to carry all the baby stuff. But with a bit of careful planning, getting a bag that works for your chosen sling and living on a wing and a prayer that you really won't need 5 outfit changes, it can be done. My preference is to use a large over the body bag, in which I can squeeze in my phone, keys, purse, nappy and a drink. A rucksack is another great option for front carrying. Better still get one second hand in a charity shop!

Think through snack times and bring your own which can be plastic free
It's about ditching the convenience of grabbing a snack when out. I know that's hard. And organisation is not my strong point at all. But eating out is going to involve plastic, more than likely.

Similar to snack time, bring a water bottle. Especially important for summer babywearing when it's hot and we need to be really mindful or hydrating to be able to stay cool and avoid dehydration while carrying (which is going to be a bit hot and sweaty - nice).

A note on Exclusive babywearing.
It is entirely possible to exclusively babywear. What I mean is, if pregnant, and beginning a family, choosing a sling over a prom/buggy is doable. I do not have a problem with buggies, but they simply do have a higher carbon footprint than a sling. I have exclusively carried Anna for 2.5 years now. Partly because i don’t have room to store a buggy in my house right now, partly because I wanted to see if it could be done, and partly because I just love carrying her.

I want to end with one of my favourite quotes.
“There is no single effort more radical in it’s potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children.” Marianne Williamson

If you liked this blog, it’s up for an award, please take a minute to vote for it at at: www.essexmums.com/awards/voting

Toddler Slings: Top Picks

18/6/2019

Top picks for carrying toddlers

Babywearing, carrying, using a sling, it doesn't have to stop at toddlerhood...

Did you know, as a sling library we hire out the most toddler carriers during the summer months? With all the lovely days out, especially if you have older ones too, a toddler sling is so so handy (or actually vital) to have for when big-little legs start getting tired. Or when big-little ones feel overwhelmed on days out. Particularly helpful if your toddler doesn't want to go in a buggy/you don't want to push an empty one around for the day, or you're going off the beaten track.

So here are my top picks for toddler carrying options. These are all slings or carriers we have in the sling library too, so you can try before you buy, or hire one for during the summer holidays.

1. Toddler Tula.
PROS: This is the carrier I currently use with Anna who is two and a half. I really really love it. It's got a sturdy waist band (but isn't diggy). It has cushy shoulder straps and is super easy to put on with the straps fixed in a ruck sack style. They come in gorgeous prints too. They are on the bigger size end of the toddler carrier spectrum which has worked really well for me with tall toddlers! They offer back carrying and parent facing front carrying options. To tighten when you're front carrying, it's a really simple forward tightening action.

CONS: The straps don't offer a crossed strap option (as with all tulas). This carrier also has very limited adjustability - it has perfect fit adjusters on the shoulder padding but not adjusters in the waist band. When back carrying you have to tighten by pulling backwards which can be a bit trickier.

Price: £129 (additional discount if you order through us!)

2. Toddler Integra:

PROS: This is a lightweight, unpadded carrier which offers front, hip and back carrying. It has no heavy waist band which makes it a really transportable carrier. (Think shoving it in your bag until you need it). You can cross the straps over your back and it's has duel adjusters which makes tightening for both front and back carrying simple. Also comes in a solar design which offers sun protection and is splash proof!

CONS: If you prefer heavy padding and waist band in a carrier then the integra won't be for you.

PRICE: £75-£85

Toddler Beco Gemini Cool

PROS: This is lightweight with a breathable mesh middle panel carrier. This makes it a really good option for summer carrying. It has a Padded waist band but it's not mega chunky. Similarly the straps are padded but fairly minimal padding. You can cross the straps over your back. It offers front, back and hip carrying options. It is also a fairly big toddler option so will last a good time.

CONS: like the toddler Tula, there isn't much in the way of adjustability with this carrier. Because of this and how big it comes up, it will fit bigger/older toddlers (you may have to wait for it to fit).

PRICE: £115
Get yours from slumber roo
A good* woven ring sling

When I say good, I mean one using woven wrap fabric, with metal rings and no padding along the rails (eg not cheapies on the internet)

PROS: super quick to just chuck on, especially helpful with toddlers who want to be up and down all the time and who really like being carried on your hip. Goes nice and small for popping in a bag on a day out. Can even be used for a quick back carry as well!

CONS: it's a one shoulder carry, and so it's not going to be a carrier that you use for a full day of walking around. There is a real sweet spot with ring slings so well worth taking the time to find yours.

PRICE: varies from make to make.

5. A woven wrap

PROS: I will always love a woven wrap for all ages really. You can wrap it so it supports you in all the right ways (eg, spreading weight over different areas of your body, shoulders, chest, back, hips). There is something quite wonderful about the process of wrapping. With one woven the options are so big. Front, back hip carrying with lots of different ways of doing it. Something with linen or hemp in it is super strong for a toddler but still soft and lovely for your shoulders. This is also a sling option that isn't limited to toddler carrying but would work from newborn right through to toddler hood and beyond making it very cost effective.

CONS: They do take more time to learn and to tie. Wriggly toddlers can be a challenge to wrap. My preference is a size 6/7 which is a long wrap. These are then very long to carry around if your little one doesn't want to be up all day.

PRICE: again varies from brand to brand, we have mostly firespiral in our library which are around £150

Give us a shout if you'd like to try one 💗

And this blog is up for an Essex mums award. If you've found it helpful, please take a moment to vote for my blog here:

Happy Toddlerwearing!

Sling Safety

10/6/2019

Sling Safety - carrying safely.

Carrying your baby in a sling or carrier has so so many benefits, they are far reaching and life long. As a sling library, we want every parent/carer who wants to carry, to feel super comfortable, confident and empowered to do it safely. That's not to say that babywearing is dangerous! But that with all things baby related, we must be aware of any potential risks and how to ensure we're safe!

Often we get asked "does this look right?" But actually it's not up to me to say if something looks right, rather it's up to me to empower YOU to be able to make that decision about safety!

Here are my top ten key safety points to be checking in on in preparation for and during carrying your baby.

1. Does my baby have clear and open air ways when both awake and asleep? Is my baby's chin off their chest? Do they have a lovely tucked seated position which allows them to rest their head on the flat of your chest if front carrying (or the flat of your back if back carrying) without slumping inside of the carrier or sling.

"My baby has clear and open airways in the sling."

2. Can I see my baby's face when awake and asleep? (When back carrying use a sling mirror or phone to be able to check on this). Can I make sure that the sling or carrier isn't covering my baby's face at all. This includes the straps or shoulder passes of the carrier.

"I can see my baby's face at all times."

3. Is my baby secure in the position the are in? Is the height of the sling safely supporting at least up to the armpit of baby but not higher than the nape of the neck. Am I happy that there is no way that baby can fall from the bottom of the sling.

"My baby is secure in the sling and cannot fall."

4. Is the activity I am about to do safe for carrying a baby in a sling? Is this an activity I would feel comfortable doing if carrying my baby in arms? Is the sling going to remain in a safe position while I am doing the activity? Will the activity compromise points 1 and 2?

"The activity I am doing is safe while carrying my baby".

5. Is my baby in suitable clothing? Can I monitor my baby's temperature and comfort levels in the sling? Have I made sure that all the clothes worn are allowing the sling to be in correct position and tightness to make sure that my baby is in a position that doesn't compromise air ways. Can I make sure that my baby doesn't overheat in too many thick layers in addition to the sling and body heat?

"My baby is comfortable and not at risk of overheating".

6. Is my sling safe? Have I checked it over before I use it? Have I made sure that the buckles are all in tact? Is all webbing in tact? There are no holes in the sling or carrier? Have I checked that the manufacturer of the sling is using safety and weight testing and safe dyes?

"My sling is safe and ready to use."

7. Am I aware of the ideal position for my baby in the sling or carrier I am using? (Upright, tight and snug, with open airways and full support of baby's body without restricting the head or neck). Am I able to check in on this position during the time I am carrying and make adjustments if needed?

"I am happy with my baby's position in the sling."

8. Am I confident I can be safe when putting the sling on and taking it off? There are no trip hazards, or dangers (eg next to your car on a busy road) while putting baby into the carrier. Am I confident that I am able to support baby at all times while putting the sling on and taking it off?

"I am in a safe place when putting my sling on and taking it off, I can support my baby while I do this."

9. If attending a babywearing class, or sling library do the instructors have relevant qualifications, insurance and experience. (This is best practise). Does the instructor or educator focus on safety? Does the instructor monitor safe carrying?

"I am in a class where safety is paramount."

10. Can I monitor my baby whilst carrying? Can I ensure I am able to monitor open airways, position, temperature and comfort of my baby in the sling?

"My baby is safe and secure while I am carrying them".

These safety check points become second nature. If you ever have any questions we are super happy to go through these points at any of our sessions!

Check here for our next meets!

May 07th, 2019

7/5/2019

Samuels story - hearing loss and babywearing.

This week is European babywearing week. Yesterday's theme was "the joy of communication." There is much evidence to suggest that babies who are carried develop communication skills earlier and social skills develop well because they are involved in conversations much more so due to being right in the midst of the action.

Bethany and Luke my eldest were early and great talkers. Bethany in particular was talking in full and completely understandable sentences at 18 months. (No brag, she just was). Luke followed suit.

When Samuel was was born and the reached the age of beginning to talk, he did not follow in the same way. He did a bit, said mama and Dada but no where near the level of talking the other two did.

MANY MANY people "blamed" it on the fact the he was the youngest. That the other two spoke for him (not true). That because I was busy and there were three of them, he didn't get a word in edgeways. Others said it was because he didn't need to speak because I did all the things he needed without him having to ask. But he was still so little...it was in the realm of "normal".

Fast forward a couple of years to preschool and Samuel was definitely talking by this point but was also challenged by it. There were lots of sounds he struggled with and he would often lash out (bite) if he couldn't be understood. It was tricky for him and for me.

We raised it with the HV and preschool. The option given was a speech and language group where I would be taught how to talk to him better so he could learn from me. And the conclusion was he was just a bit behind.

That didn't seem quite right to me. It wasn't that he was ignored by me. It wasn't that he didn't have opportunities to speak that was holding him back.

The thing is, Samuel is incredibly bright and so even with a speech delay, he was doing well. He was able to make his needs and wants known. He also had a truly wonderful key worker at preschool who listened to him and learnt very quickly Samuels ways of saying things. But again, we figured he was just a bit delayed.

Fast forward again to reception at school. Very quickly he began to be unhappy. He wasn't being understood at school and he was getting frustrated. We are incredibly lucky to have a dedicated speach and language centre as part of the school who assessed him and offered him a place in the speech and language class.

This was a success from the beginning. It also triggered a hearing test. Which we thought wouldn't be an issue. He'd passed his newborn test. No one had suggested it since then. He could hear us. It was just his speech right?
WRONG

It turnedrns out poor old Samuel has a severe high frequency hearing loss. This means he can hear, but not the high frequency sounds (f,p,t,s, etc). And this was the root of his speech delay.

I have massive massive love for the audiology dept at Broomfield and in particular Kirsten the paedatric audiologist who we saw (and still see) at every appt and who fitted Samuel's hearing aids. These have made so so so much difference to him. He noticed the difference straight away and his speech has improved significantly, so much so that he has just been discharged from speech and language care. He still struggles with some words and without his hearing aids - well he definitely needs them (we can all tell when one has run out of battery!). And likely will for the rest of his life. We don't know what caused the hearing loss but it's there...

So what's this got to do with European babywearing week?

Well, I look back on my time babywearing Samuel and just think "thank goodness". I deal with mega guilt about how long it took us to uncover Samuels hearing loss.There are many pictures of him in a sling right up close to me and I am so grateful that I carried him because it meant that he could hear me, up close. Because we were physically closer he could catch what I was saying. That the times it was noisy and he couldn't hear me, at least he had the physical reasurrance that he was safe. We were together. And maybe, just maybe, hopefully, even with hearing loss, that early communication was a good foundation for him too.

a healthy back when babywearing

6/3/2019

How to keep your back healthy while babywearing

So so often I hear
"I'm not sure about babywearing because I have a bad back" or
"the sling is hurting my back" or
"after a while my back stated hurting"...

I really want to bust the myths that
A. Babywearing causes back pain
B. You should just ignore any back pain

We are super lucky to be working with Barry who is a highly qualified sports massage rehabilitator (MSc) with a specialism in pre and postnatal care.

Here are our top tips on keeping your back healthy and post partum bodies looked after while babywearing ...

1. “Babywearing hurts my back” Should I stop?
It is important to not assume that the pain is as a result of baby-carrying. But if you feel pain or discomfort when babywearing – don’t ignore it as you could cause yourself unnecessary pain and a problem that is harder to treat! A well fitted, properly tightened sling should not, in itself, be causing the back pain. Whilst baby carrying may alert you to the pain, there will always be an underlying issue that will be causing the discomfort – usually very treatable! Either that the carrier needs adjusting or the back issue needs treating.

2. Is it ok to babywear from the beginning?
Especially in the early post-partum days, while recovering from birth and still under the effects of relaxin, slings help to distribute the weight of your baby evenly through your weightbearing axes – which promotes the natural toning of your muscles needed for post partum recovery. It will put less strain on your back than lugging a car seat around, or even lifting a heavy pram in and out of the car/house. So yes it's ok to babywear from the beginning and a wonderful way to bond. But above all else, listen to your body. Babywearing makes us feel like we're invincible. Don't go for a 10 mile hike 5 days after giving birth!

3. Is Carrying Post C-Section ok?
It is definitely possible – and in my opinion and experience (Barry's lovely wife has first hand experience) – hugely beneficial! It's so important to stick to the advice not to carry anything heavier than your baby (eg heavy car seats). It is so important for the recovery of your body post surgery. Baby carrying allows you to not only have the closeness – but it is also less strain on your abdominal muscles – in comparison to carrying baby in your arms. It also means that you can use your arms to support you as you move around while carrying baby safely.

Keep in mind your sling choice should put no pressure on your scar area. Something like a stretchy wrap or a close caboo are great choices both for the fit around baby but also as they don't have hefty waist bands that can press onto your scar. Again, listen to your body. A sling can lull us into a false sense of security that we can do it all. Settle baby in the sling and sit down! Be careful not to over do it.

4. How do I choose a sling that won't hurt my back?
Visit your local sling library. I would highly recommend seeking out professional advice on both the correct fitting of the sling, and the best one for your body. With so many to choose from, by visiting a library you will soon fall in love with the perfect fit. The way in which you gave birth can affect your choices, as well as ease of use, comfort on your body and, for some, design! A well fitted sling, properly worn and tightened should not cause any back problems.

5. What's the ideal position for baby in the sling?
Keep your baby high and tight in the sling – as well as central when carrying. This will encourage a balanced posture as well as utilising the largest weight bearing axes of the body. You will prevent strain on your muscles, ligaments and the pelvic floor. (As well as being optimal safety position for your baby)

6. Don't forget about the lifting you're doing
Remember the rules of lifting! This is especially important when you are lifting your baby in and out of the sling! Ensuring your knees are bent and you have the correct posture will help alleviate additional (unwanted) strain on your body.

7. I'm new to babywearing and my back aches...
If you have never used a sling before, (assuming you've got a well fitting one) you will need to build up your strength in using it. (It's why babywearing from the beginning is so fab, as your muscles will get stronger gradually as baby grows).
Go for regular walks with your baby in the carrier / sling. This is the perfect exercise for the early days post partum- but remember to be aware of your posture and ensure you are carrying baby correctly. If you gradually increase the length of time you are walking for, you will slowly tone your body as well as reduce the occurrence of soreness after exercising. (You wouldn't run a marathon as your first ever running experience)

8. If I use the sling for too long will it be bad for my back?
There is no magic number of hours it's ok to carry for. A well fitting sling should cause no problems to a healthy back that is used to babywearing (built up muscle as baby grows). After all special forces carry those huge backpacks up mountains! But take regular breaks especially if you're suddenly increasing the amount of babywearing (while on holiday for example).

9. I have a bad back but I want to babywear, can I?
If you have an underlying back issues, chances are babywearing will exacerbate it. Please please get it checked out and treated. You will not want to carry on babywearing if you feel uncomfortable. And even the best fitting sling in the world won't help if there is already an issue. Book an appt with Barry!

10. Can I carry my toddler?
Yes absolutely! Big kids need carrying too. Get booked on to a back carrying workshop. Carrying a heavier load (aka your toddler) on your back is going to be a more effective way of spreading their weight.

Barry has his own clinic in Chelmsford, has appointments 7 days a week and offers a fantastic discount to babywearing mums and dads. Check out his website here to book! https://www.essexsportsrehab.com/offers/

What have I done so wrong?

21/2/2019

What have I done so wrong?
I talk all the time about creating foundations of love, creating secure attachments. About not creating rods for your back.
But recently I've questioned it all. Not for you, but for me.

Because Anna still doesn't sleep well.
She won't let me go to the toilet on my own.
She still needs to bed share for a high proportion of the night.
She likes to sit on my lap when we're chilling out.
She still breastfeeds to sleep.
She is incredibly strong willed, not chilled out.
She likes to sleep on my face.

You see, in the circle I move in, we often use the example. "Oh no babywearing doesn't create clingy children. It's the opposite, it creates such a strong bond that they are super dooper independent and great with other kids - look my toddler is no where to be seen..." Apart from Anna.

Where is her secure attachment? Where is her ability to sleep soundly? Why can't I pee on my own without absolute trauma from her because I've shut the door? Why does she still wake so often in the night?

What have I done wrong?
Surely I've ticked all the attachment boxes?
Responded to her needs ✓
Fed her on demand ✓
Co-slept ✓
Carried her exclusively ✓

So why isn't she a calm angel toddler?
Why is she still "clingy"? And I use that word even though I hate it. Because when she was a baby, I was ok with the clingy. Now she's a bigger, shouldn't we be sorted?

Honestly, I've felt like a fraud.
I felt like I was talking bullshit - that maybe I am creating a rod for my back...?

I allowed doubt to creep. You know those little seeds of doubt that have been sewn. You know the ones I'm desperate to not take root in YOU. well I let them in here. And I pushed back against the clingy. "What have I done wrong?". Because people have said "well you know it's your fault she still doesn't sleep through the night..." Etc.

I've sat with it for a while.
I've asked for advice from people I trust.
The answer.
NOTHING. I've done nothing wrong.
She's 2.
And there is a secure attachment base.
So fucking secure that she can express her needs completely.
She needs me.
She still needs me.
Because she's just 2.
She still likes a cuddle to sleep.
(Heck I still like being cuddled to sleep).
And when she wakes up she wants a cuddle.
I get that too.

So I've done nothing wrong.
She is just Anna.
She has such a strong foundation of love in her parents that she can completely demand for her needs to be met. And they are real needs.
Whether it's not to be left alone while I pee. Or to have her chicken cut up on a pink plate.

Thank goodness.
I've done it right.
Trust the foundations of love. (I still believe it)
Bring on the cuddles.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

What I wished I had known

27/1/2019

Things I wish I'd known about the fourth trimester
Yesterday was my son Luke's 8th birthday. on birthdays I always find myself thinking back to when he was a baby, his birth, the early days.

I have never found the early months after having a new baby the easiest. Actually they have been down right difficult and challenging both emotionally and physically. I have experienced post natal anxiety, doubted everything, feared for my marriage, lost my confidence and in all honesty found everything very overwhelming.

I remember writing something like
"Welcome to the world new baby evans. We're all so in love" as my Facebook status (I'm not sure for which child... whoops). I loved my babies deeply, from the moment I knew I was pregnant, but when they were born the feeling wasn't that rush of being head over heels in love.

I wrote the Facebook post because I wanted it to be true. I wanted everyone to think how shiny and wonderful it all was. I wrote it because it's what I saw others write and though that's what you should do. I wrote it because I wanted everyone to think I was a good mum.

No one would want to read something like:
"Welcome to the world baby Evans. Mummy is fucking exahusted, not sure how she's going to cope over the next few months, her nipples are already excuriciatingly painful and she is terrified of going to the toilet".

The expectations I placed on myself or perhaps the societal expectations on new mums is huge. Everything should be shiny and wonderful (but not too shiny - think of the backlash to duchess Catherine when she looked stunning hours after giving birth). It's right and proper that we welcome a new baby into the world with joy. But I think there is a massive difference between joy at the birth of a baby, gratitude for the new life, and feeling "happy" or even the giddy feeling of being "in love".

(I know that some people really do feel like this ❤️)

By the time we had Anna, I had cottoned on to realise that these were tough days/weeks/months for me. We put into place some things that I hoped would make a difference. These are the things I wished I known before I experienced the fourth trimester.

(Maybe it would have stopped the crippling anxiety or maybe it would have just made things a bit easier. )

1. Lean into it.
If only I'd know how much my babies would need me. And actually I think it's shocked me each time. Their needs, although simple (really), are all consuming. That can be overwhelming. Especially with family or society telling you to "get them into a routine" "put them down" "stop feeding so much".

I wish someone had said to me "dear Chiara, lean into it. It won't last forever, so sit back and let the fourth trimester wash over you. Don't fight with feeding schedules, don't worry about routine, bedtime. Cuddle all day if that's what they need, and that is a real need."

2. Expect the hormones
Day 3-5 bloody hell. Batton down the hatches. Let the tears come. You're not doing anything this is normal. But so so hard. It will pass. I know how unhelpful it is to hear it at the time but it will. You will get through these days. The hormones are there for a reason. Welcome them. Ride it out. And know that they will play a huge role for sometime!

3. Be kind to yourself
And while you're riding out the hormones, the seep deprivation, the round the clock feeding, the recovery from birth, be nice to yourself. I mean don't be hard on yourself for not feeling happy all the time. Don't punish yourself for doubting your choices. Don't look over the day telling yourself off for all the things you think you've done wrong. This is not a time to do anything other than survive. So be nice. Focus on the basics. Eat, drink, go to the toilet. (And a sling will help with these things) because actually, you're doing fine.

4. Rest
This is a tricky one because babies keep you up all night. And when someone told me to sleep when the baby slept my anxiety would sky rocket. Because I feared when the baby would wake up and need feeding again. It felt like the cruelest punishment to be woken up after 5 mins of sleep that I was so full of stress I couldn't sleep.

But rest is important. Sit, watch TV, with baby. Don't move from the sofa! Baby doesn't mind, they just want to be with you. And if you have a toddler, it's ok to watch Peppa pig on repeat for a few weeks. It just is.

And finally, trust the love. Trust the bond you already have. Because you won't always feel it. But it is there. Some days are too hard. Some days are just a grind. I'm finding that parenting is an exercise in blind faith. Where you need to trust in that love which is there, even when we don't feel happy, or pleased. But you can know that deep deep down you are connected, "the tie between a mother and child is greater than just how the mother feels on a particular day". Trust yourself that you've got this.

A worldly funk; am I making a difference?

13/12/2018

I've been feeling in a worldly funk recently. Climate change makes me panic. Global hunger, world peace, instability. Refugees needing homes, Brexit. NHS funding cuts, education funding cuts...etc. I've been feeling like my small personal efforts make no difference. I've felt powerless. I'm going to go so far as to say I've felt the earth do a sort of groan when I turn on my car. What am I doing to make a difference? How can I change things without either becoming an enclosed nun and hiding from my worries or becoming an eco warrior. How is my day to day bringing about positivity? (I'm the sort of person who likes a bigger picture, a wholesome goal...)

It hits home too when Christmas is so freaking commercial. When save the children Christmas jumper day involved dragging my upset toddler around the shops buying NON ethically made Christmas jumpers and putting them on the credit card. What is that all about?!

And then my eldest daughter is having a crappy time at school. At a time when we are "meant" to be happy and jolly and loving. This has prompted a letter from us to school. My husband who has a fantastic way with words has written this line "on a grand scale minute, [but incredibly important]".

That line.

What I am doing is on a grand scale minute, but incredibly important.

In that one line he describes how I've felt about recycling, walking (not driving) voting, and most importantly how we're raising our children and even in the running of this business, babywearing.

That our small and minute actions matter. Babywearing matters. Supporting other parents to do this matters. Because carrying our babies matters. It is a tool. Yes. And I get caught up in the practicalities of the tool. That we want to be safe and comfy. That we want to have a sling that looks good and that fits the price range. One that will last from newborn to toddler. I want parents to come to sling meets, for our sling hire targets to be met...

But it's so much more than that. That is the minute.

The grand scale is knowing that attachment actually impacts the growth of the brain. Secure attachment, bonds with care givers, are not just nice extras but vital to development of that person. To me there is a link from this to us as adults as members of society. I'm not saying that by using a buggy we are causing problems (because it's way more than just using a buggy or a sling). But I am saying that these small actions, such as carrying our babies, responding to them in a way we may once have been discouraged to do (self soothing/cry it out), makes a difference.

This is why it matters. Because we need, now more than ever, for each generation to learn from science, to change the world, not just drain it. Personally, emotionally, naturally.
Secure attachment is a foundation of love. And this world needs more love. We all need more love.

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