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The gifts you have given

3/20/2017

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To the mum who is nearing the end of her time babywearing, who glances over at her wrap stash which was once strewn all over the place and is now folded neatly. Who has a small person who has gone from being a tiny squish to a fiercely independent pre-schooler. This is a hard but beautiful moment in your motherhood journey. You have gifted your child love and affection which began on that day you first found out about your baby. From that day on you carried your baby in your heart and this love will not ever end. But as the days of intense closeness between you and your baby fade, I invite you to remember your babywearing journey and to celebrate and give thanks for this precious part of motherhood.

Remember the first day you held your newborn bundle up close against your chest, all snuggled up in their very first sling. What was it? A stretchy, a favourite woven, perhaps a Ring Sling, or maybe something else. Remember that delicious new baby smell. A sure prize for having birthed this miracle. Think back to how your baby calmed when being wrapped tightly to you. You gifted them a peaceful transition from the womb, earth-side.

Remember when your newborn became a nosey baby who would wriggle their little arms and body in the sling until they could grab your hair, ears, nose, glasses. Perhaps they would get distracted at nap time by the conversations and buzz of activity going on around them as they lay resting against you. You gifted your baby the most perfect introduction to the big wide world, from the safety of the sling.

Remember the hours you spent with your teething, over-tired baby who would only settle in the sling. Or perhaps your baby suffered from reflux and the sling would help soothe an especially un-comfy baby. Remember the times when a nasty cold struck and the sling was your baby’s medicine, wrapped in love and comfort that a mama-cuddle can bring. You gifted your baby healing and comfort so powerful and awesome.

Remember those days when your baby went through a learning leap, and the world suddenly became bigger to them with more sensations, feelings and experiences. How as they tried to process it all, sleep became a troublesome time. But when you lifted them gently into the sling they returned to a calm and relaxed state. You gifted your baby the security and comfort that was needed as the world was revealed more and more.

Remember the days when your baby just needed you and you needed him. Although the weight of this need was heavy, you willingly obliged and carried your baby close. All while being the strong woman you are, continuing with daily life. Perhaps looking after other children, the home, working. What else do you remember doing while the baby was always in the sling? You have shown your child the amazing strength and power that is within you, strength to carry on while loving so deeply.

Remember the first time your toddler asked to get down, and then back up and down and then back up, over and over again. Perhaps this was frustrating, maybe funny. Maybe you searched for a sling that could allow these quick ups-and-downs? You gifted your toddler the chance to grow and develop at their own pace, always ready to scoop them up when they needed you.

Remember when your toddler was walking and fell over and scraped their knee. A cuddle in the wrap, time in their safe, familiar place of comfort, helped calm their little sobs. You gifted your toddler a moment of relief from the pain.

Remember the family walk or holiday you went on, and your big strong pre-schooler went running off in front of you, tearing around the place, enjoying every minute. They looked so happy and confident. Remember how you watched as they began to slow down with tiredness, and you offered them a carry and they zonked out on your back, snoring loudly. You gifted your child rest.

My wish for you, is that you can look back on these moments of motherhood and these gifts you have given your child with fondness. Mourn the loss of the intense babywearing days, mourn the loss of carrying your child everywhere you go. We transition through different phases of motherhood, and often it causes us unspoken and unshared heartache. The world wants us to rush our babies through their baby-hood, while we want to cling on just a little longer. And so when you are ready, celebrate the awesome gifts you have given to your child.
 
 
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Sleep and slings: how to enjoy it, embrace it and ditch the guilt.

3/7/2017

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Newborns, bigger babies and even toddlers often happily drift off to sleep tucked up in a sling.
 I am often asked if a baby or child sleeping close to you in a sling will cause a sleep dependency, or if it will mean that baby will only fall asleep on you, or if it will mean baby will not sleep well at night. There seems to be so much pressure from the “world” to separate from our babies as soon as they are born, to ensure that they are able to be put down, or to sleep through the night having self-settled. But there is increasing evidence out there, showing us that closeness and cuddles are critical to the healthy development of our children.
Here are some reasons why it is good that baby falls asleep in the sling next to you. How to enjoy it, embrace it and see the benefits of it. (Note: I’m not a sleep expert, but I am a qualified babywearing consultant and have 4 children, who I’ve never left to cry, we believe in responsive, attachment parenting)
1.       Oxytocin
Cuddles, physical contact with a person you love, is an oxytocin trigger. Oxytocin is the love hormone, which is responsible for those falling in love and bonding feelings. "It's like a hormone of attachment, you might say," said Carol Rinkleib Ellison, a clinical psychologist. "It creates feelings of calm and closeness."
Oxytocin released in the brain under stress free conditions naturally promotes sleep according to a 2003 study. The link is that Oxytocin counters the effects of cortisol (stress hormone). It has a calming effect leaving you feeling tranquil and loving which certainly helps our path to sleep
So, if by cuddling our babies to sleep, rocked gently in a sling, oxytocin is flowing they are feeling loved, secure, calm, and tranquil. That’s got to be awesome.
 
2.       Over-tired and over-whelmed.
Sleep promotes sleep, seems almost counter intuitive, right? But an over tired child who has passed the point of needing to go to sleep, will struggle to drop off and even worse they may struggle to stay asleep when they finally do drop off. Babywearing during the day, when life is busy, allows baby to have a safe space to hide away from the world in security and comfort, to drift off to sleep as and when they are ready. (a side note, this is why we really recommend parent facing slings, because it allows this safe space to happen for baby)
 
3.       Catching up and a contact top up
Babywearing is a lovely way of reconnecting for a child and parent. Especially when, perhaps because mum has gone back to work, they have been apart for the day. Being held and cuddled, letting go of the day, and just being together, tops up their need for physical closeness. This is important for those children who are very sensitive to their need for hugs as a sign of love. (check out love languages for more information https://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Languages-Children-Secret-Effectively/dp/0802412858/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1488888660&sr=8-2&keywords=5+love+languages)

4.       Growth and brain development
When a baby can rest in a well-fitting sling, respectful of their physical needs, they can relax fully, completely supported. They can redirect their bodily energy into growth. More so, when they are sleeping soundly in a sling, with oxytocin countering any cortisol, the brain development is optimal. Studies have shown that the effect of cortisol on the brain in the early years of child development can stunt brain growth. A happy sleeping baby, is a baby whose brain development is as it should be.

5.       Health reasons
Reflux, colic and dietary intolerances can be very real reasons that cause babies to struggle with sleep. Using a sling as a tool to help cope with these health needs can be beneficial and allow baby to sleep or at least settle before sleep comes naturally. A baby in a sling held upright is comforted by the gentle sway and warmth of mum or dad while gravity helps keep the food or milk down.

6.       Flexibility
Naps times in bed are awesome, I do love that sense of freedom and victory when my baby will snooze peacefully in her bed. But there are so many times that she will need sleep at a time that we need to be out and about (school runs, sling meets, shopping etc.). By having her used to sleeping in the sling means she is super flexible and can sleep as she needs, avoiding that over tired state.

7.       Understanding the difference between night and day
Sometimes we can worry that a baby may sleep too much in the sling during the day and then not sleep well during the night. My experience has been that baby can become attuned to the rhythms of day time as they are participants in day to day life of the babywearer. Therefore, they are taking part in the differences of day and night, while enabling nap times.
Babyworn babies often feed more. This is especially true for breastfed babies as they are held close to their source of food. Encouraging peaceful naps and lots of feeds during the day is a good thing.

8.       Developmental leaps
Having had 4 babies, I have seen, repeatedly how a developmental leap in baby can disrupt their sleep. While they are going through huge learning, as their world changes, they need reassurance that it is all ok still. Snoozing in a sling gives baby that physical closeness, which provides reassurance and comfort while letting baby get some much-needed sleep. (I’m writing this while Anna is going through leap 5, needing way more sleep cuddles than just a few weeks ago, Find out more here https://www.thewonderweeks.com/)

A note on safety. Although babywearing can be amazing in getting babies off to sleep happily, it is never safe to use a sling in bed. Always follow safe babywearing and safe sleeping advice. My hope is that by enjoying babywearing naps during the day it nurture a secure baby, who only feels love and security when it comes to sleep.
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There will be times when you hear something that may make you doubt your commitment to attachment, responsive parenting. There will be times when you crave some personal space. Remember the goal is a happy sleeping, well nurtured baby. Parenting is hard enough, when there is a tool which you can use peacefully to facilitate sleep, use it!
Happy babywearing

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