A letter to my younger self...what I wish I could go back and tell myself
Things are about to change. Becoming a mother will consume you. It will transform who you are completely.
Bethany will need you like you've never been needed before. She will cling to you - like her life depends on it, and it does. Your very breathing will calm hers, your heartbeat will soothe hers.
People will come in to your home and tell you that she needs a routine. That you must put her down. That she must learn to be on her own. They will tell you she needs more mental stimulation. That you should space her feeds out. That she should learn to self soothe. That you should "have a break" and leave her.
Don't put her down. Cuddle her and never feel guilty about cuddling her all day long. Smell her wonderful smell. Stroke her soft cheek. She is yours and your are hers. Don't worry that she won't sleep in her beautifully prepared cot. It doesn't matter now. Right now she needs nothing but you and her daddy. Just all the love and milk and cuddles. She needs no routine. She just needs the warmth of your arms.
Although it seems like this will last forever, that you will forever be attached to this new bundle, that you will never be able to let go of her. One day she will be sitting, walking, talking. Going to school and making her own decisions.
So for now, wrap her up in a sling. Cuddle her close and don't let her go. Trust yourself. your mothering instincts which were once hidden within you that are now coming bubbling to the surface. They are telling you to hold her, carry her, to love her. Give yourself permission to submit to her needs. You are not forming anything other than a foundation of love.