Naturally Happy Families
Social Media
  • Home
    • The Team
    • Contact us
  • All About Babywearing
    • Newborn Babywearing
    • Slings and Instructions
    • Types of sling
    • Where to buy
  • Babywearing Safety
    • Hints and tips
  • Sling Library
    • Upcoming events
  • 1:1 Consultations
  • Blog
  • Workshops
    • Training
  • Admin
    • Privacy policy
  • Dance-sling class
  • VIP BBB

What I wished I had known

1/27/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
Things I wish I'd known about the fourth trimester
Yesterday was my son Luke's 8th birthday. on birthdays I always find myself thinking back to when he was a baby, his birth, the early days.

I have never found the early months after having a new baby the easiest. Actually they have been down right difficult and challenging both emotionally and physically. I have experienced post natal anxiety, doubted everything, feared for my marriage, lost my confidence and in all honesty found everything very overwhelming.

I remember writing something like
"Welcome to the world new baby evans. We're all so in love" as my Facebook status (I'm not sure for which child... whoops). I loved my babies deeply, from the moment I knew I was pregnant, but when they were born the feeling wasn't that rush of being head over heels in love.

I wrote the Facebook post because I wanted it to be true. I wanted everyone to think how shiny and wonderful it all was. I wrote it because it's what I saw others write and though that's what you should do. I wrote it because I wanted everyone to think I was a good mum.

No one would want to read something like:
"Welcome to the world baby Evans. Mummy is fucking exahusted, not sure how she's going to cope over the next few months, her nipples are already excuriciatingly painful and she is terrified of going to the toilet".

The expectations I placed on myself or perhaps the societal expectations on new mums is huge. Everything should be shiny and wonderful (but not too shiny - think of the backlash to duchess Catherine when she looked stunning hours after giving birth). It's right and proper that we welcome a new baby into the world with joy. But I think there is a massive difference between joy at the birth of a baby, gratitude for the new life, and feeling "happy" or even the giddy feeling of being "in love".

(I know that some people really do feel like this ❤️)

By the time we had Anna, I had cottoned on to realise that these were tough days/weeks/months for me. We put into place some things that I hoped would make a difference. These are the things I wished I known before I experienced the fourth trimester.

(Maybe it would have stopped the crippling anxiety or maybe it would have just made things a bit easier. )

1. Lean into it.
If only I'd know how much my babies would need me. And actually I think it's shocked me each time. Their needs, although simple (really), are all consuming. That can be overwhelming. Especially with family or society telling you to "get them into a routine" "put them down" "stop feeding so much".

I wish someone had said to me "dear Chiara, lean into it. It won't last forever, so sit back and let the fourth trimester wash over you. Don't fight with feeding schedules, don't worry about routine, bedtime. Cuddle all day if that's what they need, and that is a real need."

2. Expect the hormones
Day 3-5 bloody hell. Batton down the hatches. Let the tears come. You're not doing anything this is normal. But so so hard. It will pass. I know how unhelpful it is to hear it at the time but it will. You will get through these days. The hormones are there for a reason. Welcome them. Ride it out. And know that they will play a huge role for sometime!

3. Be kind to yourself
And while you're riding out the hormones, the seep deprivation, the round the clock feeding, the recovery from birth, be nice to yourself. I mean don't be hard on yourself for not feeling happy all the time. Don't punish yourself for doubting your choices. Don't look over the day telling yourself off for all the things you think you've done wrong. This is not a time to do anything other than survive. So be nice. Focus on the basics. Eat, drink, go to the toilet. (And a sling will help with these things) because actually, you're doing fine.

4. Rest
This is a tricky one because babies keep you up all night. And when someone told me to sleep when the baby slept my anxiety would sky rocket. Because I feared when the baby would wake up and need feeding again. It felt like the cruelest punishment to be woken up after 5 mins of sleep that I was so full of stress I couldn't sleep.

But rest is important. Sit, watch TV, with baby. Don't move from the sofa! Baby doesn't mind, they just want to be with you. And if you have a toddler, it's ok to watch Peppa pig on repeat for a few weeks. It just is.

And finally, trust the love. Trust the bond you already have. Because you won't always feel it. But it is there. Some days are too hard. Some days are just a grind. I'm finding that parenting is an exercise in blind faith. Where you need to trust in that love which is there, even when we don't feel happy, or pleased. But you can know that deep deep down you are connected, "the tie between a mother and child is greater than just how the mother feels on a particular day". Trust yourself that you've got this.
0 Comments

A worldly funk; am I making a difference?

12/13/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
I've been feeling in a worldly funk recently. Climate change makes me panic. Global hunger, world peace, instability. Refugees needing homes, Brexit. NHS funding cuts, education funding cuts...etc. I've been feeling like my small personal efforts make no difference. I've felt powerless. I'm going to go so far as to say I've felt the earth do a sort of groan when I turn on my car. What am I doing to make a difference? How can I change things without either becoming an enclosed nun and hiding from my worries or becoming an eco warrior. How is my day to day bringing about positivity? (I'm the sort of person who likes a bigger picture, a wholesome goal...)

It hits home too when Christmas is so freaking commercial. When save the children Christmas jumper day involved dragging my upset toddler around the shops buying NON ethically made Christmas jumpers and putting them on the credit card. What is that all about?!

And then my eldest daughter is having a crappy time at school. At a time when we are "meant" to be happy and jolly and loving. This has prompted a letter from us to school. My husband who has a fantastic way with words has written this line "on a grand scale minute, [but incredibly important]".

That line.

What I am doing is on a grand scale minute, but incredibly important.

In that one line he describes how I've felt about recycling, walking (not driving) voting, and most importantly how we're raising our children and even in the running of this business, babywearing.

That our small and minute actions matter. Babywearing matters. Supporting other parents to do this matters. Because carrying our babies matters. It is a tool. Yes. And I get caught up in the practicalities of the tool. That we want to be safe and comfy. That we want to have a sling that looks good and that fits the price range. One that will last from newborn to toddler. I want parents to come to sling meets, for our sling hire targets to be met...

But it's so much more than that. That is the minute.

The grand scale is knowing that attachment actually impacts the growth of the brain. Secure attachment, bonds with care givers, are not just nice extras but vital to development of that person. To me there is a link from this to us as adults as members of society. I'm not saying that by using a buggy we are causing problems (because it's way more than just using a buggy or a sling). But I am saying that these small actions, such as carrying our babies, responding to them in a way we may once have been discouraged to do (self soothing/cry it out), makes a difference.
​

This is why it matters. Because we need, now more than ever, for each generation to learn from science, to change the world, not just drain it. Personally, emotionally, naturally.
Secure attachment is a foundation of love. And this world needs more love. We all need more love.
0 Comments

I see you, mama

12/8/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
To the mama who is feeling like she's failing, who feels like she is constantly juggling all the things. I see you. I get it.

To the mama who is feeling like her feet don't touch the ground at the moment while Christmas crazy takes over. It's ok to say no to some things (or just not show up).


To the mama who locks herself into the bathroom because she just needs to be somewhere that no one can get her for two minutes, I've done that.


For the mama who is in a constant state of anxiety and worry. Worry about the kids, the house, the money, the world. I wish I could take the worry away for a few moments.


Sometimes I think about what would happen if I broke my leg. Would the magic fairies turn up and tell me to sit down, they'll look after my children, the house, the dogs, the business, the finances. It'll all be fine. And then I realise that a broken leg would just mean trying to figure out how to do the school run with a cast on.


Most of the mamas I know don't stop. You never bloody stop. You keep going through it all. You do the day shift and the night shift. You keep going when you're poorly. You keep going when the kids are poorly and the delicate balance of family life is teetering on the edge. You keep going when you've had no sleep, when you've just give birth and to the other extreme, when you've lost someone. Just take a minute and marvel at that. When you're feeling your lowest, that you have no strength left and your cup is bone dry, you carry on.


I don't really have any practical magical solutions. I don't know the magic fairies who will move in and make it all ok. I wish I did. I have no family nearby. It's just me and my little (big) family.


But I'm discovering things that help me.


Doing things I enjoy. I enjoy a good box of biscuits and a game of monopoly or cards. (Even if I loose and the toddler is a nightmare). I make the family go to the beach on the first day of every school holiday. It helps me not feel the overwhelm of feeling like I'm not giving my kids a good holiday. Finding things that prioritise me and when I'm happy the kids are too.


Say no to things/yes to everything

I'm someone who needs just a few activities a week. Otherwise the crazy sets in. I have a good friend of mine who needs to be doing lots of things. Get the balance right. Say yes to things or say no to things. Listen to what YOU need to do.

Be kind to yourself. Please, for fucks sake, start being nice to yourself. It's not something I'm good at. But I'm working on it. It makes a massive difference. Cut yourself some slack. You're human. A pretty wonderful one. But your in a body that is dependent on the weather, the food, the hormones, the sleep. Some days you'll feel fab and others not so. Neither is better than the other. So be kind.

Let go of perfection. I have high standards. But I'm learning to let go. Not everything needs doing today.

Babywear (well I had to include it.) But for real, one of the things I like about it, is that baby or toddler feels happy (or not but at least cuddles, ya know). You have your hands free. Go for a walk, play on your phone, listen to a podcast. Let the sling take the strain for a while.


I want you to know that you are seen and noticed. Your hard work is not for nothing. Even when it feels like it is. Mothering is a gift to the whole world. Thank you. And be kind to you xx
0 Comments

Have yourself a babywearing Christmas

11/30/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Have yourself a babywearing Christmas
How babywearing can massively help at this time of year...

I blooming love the anticipation of Christmas. A scroll on Pinterest at the end of November, a quick Amazon order on black
Friday and I feel well prepared. In reality, I find Christmas preparations fairly stressful and time consuming. We have made a massive effort in the last few years to tone it down. Get back to basics and just enjoy time with the kiddos.

But even with my best efforts to turn down the crazy, December is still a bit mental. For me, babywearing has been vital to getting it all done and staying sane. (Maybe)


So even if babywearing isn't normally something you do, or you're thinking your baby is too big or too old, read on...because this is going to be one of those parenting hacks that really helps with managing it all and still meeting baby's needs...


1. Shopping
Even if it's not the big Christmas present shop, everywhere is busier now right? Using a sling can make life so much easier. Baby is settled. You've got hands free to pick things, you can navigate your way through busy shops/stairs/escalators etc with ease. And for toddlers, back carrying is an amazing way to stay connected in what can be an incredibly overwhelming situation. And they can't run away!

2. Family
Do you have well meaning family who are desperate to hold the baby? Auntie dear who has a raging cold but insists she wants a cuddle? A sling or carrier makes quite the excellent barrier to stop that. It keeps baby calm and settled rather than passed around which can overstimulate them and lead to upset quite quickly. (obviously if your baby and you don't mind then that's cool).

3. Nap time
Routines are off whack, dinner is at a funny time, everyone is staying up later, it's noisy and crazy. Protect nap time (and stop the overtired baby problems) by getting baby off to sleep in the sling or carrier. Toddlers and preschoolers too. It can be their safe space, their place.of rest and calm amongst the hustle and bustle. No screaming meltdowns because they just need a nap! (And while we're at it, if that well meaning relative we mentioned above suggests you're making a rod for your own back, stick two pencils in your ears, pants on your head and say "bibble")***

4. Christmas carol concerts/Nativity plays etc
The letter came home the other day for Samuels carol concert, babies are very welcome but prams and buggies are not! So sling it is. And actually a baby or toddler in a sling, you can wander around at the back, keep the baby calm, see better and stop them being unhappy sitting down - win win!

5. The church service.
I love a christmas church service. It's always so busy and merry. But similar to at the carol concert, babies who want to crawl around can be tricky. Slings are great in church. Baby is usually happy, especially if there is lots of singing and standing up! Anna was actually baptised while asleep in the sling!

6. All the prep. All the jobs.
So.many.things.to.do
I find my time well filled in December. From remembering to stuff the advent calendar to decorating to posting cards...there is always something to do. And let's not forget turkey day itself! Guess what, baby in a sling and carry on!

7. The walks!
Anyone else love a walk on Christmas day or boxing day? Or a zoo visit on boxing Day. Wonderful. Get off the beaten track with babywearing for sure.

8. The days out.
Have you got days out planned? We are trying to have family days out instead of mucho presents. It works really nicely for us. A sling is so handy to use public transport with ease, stay connected with your baby, see things together...

9. The movies/the witching hour...
Babies, although they may enjoy the twinkling lights, they don't really care it's Christmas. The witching hour carries on, baby's still need all the normal comforts. Baby in a sling, walk around the lounge and enjoy a Christmas movie. Whats your favourite? Mine has to be the holiday.

So there you have it, how babywearing is gonna save Christmas. Or at least make it just that bit easier. 💖
come along to a sling library session and we'll happily help you find a great sling!
***if you get this reference you get 1000000 bonus points!


0 Comments

babywearing and dog walking top tips

11/14/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Before I had children (and dogs) I totally had visions of long beautiful countryside walks at sunset, dog gently lolloping at my feet. Children singing in harmony as we walked...some sort of cross between a Disney movie and the sound of music...well something like that any way.

The reality is my dogs are nutty and my children would rather play football or light
sabers than sing in four part harmony while we go for a blissful walk together. (What was I thinking?)

​But life with children and dogs must go on, even after having had a baby. Dogs still need walking/exercising and babywearing is an excellent way of managing it all. Baby will usually be happy to snooze in the sling - win win.

Here are the things that have helped me carry on with babies and dogs in tow...and for those seasoned babywearers and dog walkers id love to know any extra tips!

1. Good footwear
Start with the basics. You don't want to be slipping in the wet or ice while out dog walking in all weathers. Getting something that is warm, cosy, comfy and waterproof with non slip grip has been a game changer for me. You don't want to come in from a dog walk, baby sound asleep in the sling and have to wake baby up to change socks because they are soaking. I cannot love my north face snow boots any more than I already do.
https://www.thenorthface.co.uk/shop/en-gb/tnf-gb/women-footwear/womens-nuptse-purna-ii-32y7?variationId=YXW
Picture
2. Layers are your friend
\nFor you and baby while out in all weathers. Go for thin layers. Use thin thermal base layers for you. And something over the top of you and baby (babywearing coat/large zippy top/maternity coat etc) remember that the sling counts as layers of clothing, depending on how many layers the sling has. So protecting extremities from the cold or heat is going to be really important. No SNOWSUITS for baby. These all in one footless and non padded suits are amazing though https://www.babipur.co.uk/organic-baby-clothes/baby-coats-jackets-snowsuits/frugi-baby-snuggle-suit-scandi-birds.html
Picture
3. Choosing the "right" time for baby
For me, certainly in the early days of breastfeeding around the clock, I would feed the baby and then go. Because chances are after that baby would happily sleep in the sling and I didn't have to worry that baby would be hungry imminently. And for the doggy...We got our first dog (sooty) after Bethany and Luke were out of slings. Samuel came along shortly after getting soot and he very quickly associated me putting the sling on with walk time and would bounce around like the nutty Labrador he is which wasn't very helpful. So babywear at other times too! Then it's not *just* a dog walking tool! (We did, sooty is just a chancer!)
​


4. Back carrying
From around 6 months, when baby can sit well unaided, back carrying is another game changer. It coincided for us with the time I couldn't see over baby's head any more and so back carrying made dog walking so much easier. Come along to our next workshop! :) https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/back-carrying-with-buckles-workshop-tickets-52153072243
Picture
5. Squat don't bend
Yep I'm talking about picking up the poop. Very many times I see a mama in at a library session who wants a sling for dog walking, pop one on, and she tries to bend over and see if the sling is supportive enough to pick up poop. Squat! Don't bend! It's all about the squat. It's not going to be comfy for you or baby to bend over. Baby's weight will pull you forward and baby's head will not be well supported. Work on those squats. Keep your back straight - that's the way to do it!

6. Choice of sling and bag
I've used both a woven and buckles while out with the doggies. Whichever is most comfy for you is fine. I would say, make sure you're happy with how it feels before going on a dog walk, especially if it's a wrap (woven or stretchy) as you don't really want to be adjusting mid walk. Give yourself just an extra minute or so to get it just right before heading off. And for my bag, I use an over the body bag. Keys, phone, purse and poo bags in an over the body bag which works for both back and front carrying. I like to have everything accessable so a small bag works well.

7. Basic commands - practise.
Well this is less about babywearing itself, but incredibly helpful while babywearing. Leave, wait, drop and go home have been necessary so I'm not having to chase after a dog with a baby in a sling haha!
​

8. Short lead.
I'm not a fan of extendable leads or long leads while babywearing. I don't want the chance of my dogs (cos they will) crossing in front of me or suddenly pulling at the end of the lead. It's a trip hazard for you and baby.

Picture
9. Ball launcher and fetch
You've probably already got one, but totally 100% necessary for babywearing. You don't want to be having to squat down and pick up a slobbery dog ball every 2 minutes with baby in the sling! Also, a good game of fetch rather than a mega long walk is pretty perfect, especially when you're in that fourth trimester still. (See next point)

10. Take it easy and let go of the guilt
Yes the dog needs to go out, but if you've just had a baby, be kind to yourself. A good run around a field and a fun game of fetch is great too and less toll on your recovering post natal body than a 5 mile hike. Let go of the guilt of your new baby changing things for your dog. Your dog knows you still love them. And another worry to ditch is baby sleeping in the sling. THIS IS A GOOD THING! You might hear some well meaning person who says "oh baby will only sleep in the sling" don't worry! It's not always going to be true and while baby enjoys slingy dog walks it's perfect!

So that's it. I hope that's helpful and happy babywearing and dog walking!

Picture
0 Comments

Piers Morgan & dealing with the critics

10/17/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Dealing with the critics of babywearing.

Piers Morgan, a (well meaning?) relative, a stranger in the street, a friend who parents differently...

Doesn't your baby walk yet?
You're creating a rod for your back.
She'll grow up clingy...
It's emasculating? (Wtf?)
Can't you afford a buggy?

This nonsense with Piers Morgan is doing my nut. The guy wants air time and controversy. The idea of babywearing being emasculating is just insane. To be honest, it's tantamount to saying that parenting itself is emasculating, changing a nappy is emasculating, playing with your child is emasculating. That it's women's work only. That the perceived soft and gentle aspects of parenting are feminine only. Wtf?

Gender identity is something we are coming to understand more about as a society. I firmly believe that we all have unique roles. That labels do not need to define us and restrict us. I identify as a woman and a mother but my definition of what that means to me is mine only and probably will change as I continue in this role.

I also believe that different aspects of parenting and humanity as a whole can be learned from different people. To restrict some aspects of raising the next generation because of outdated gender stereotypes is just just so ridiculous to me.

This sort of media coverage and the words from others can, and do, sometimes get under our skin, especially when we are doing something that is a little bit against the grain. (Such as babywearing)

My dear departed grandma once just turned to me and said "you look weird". We were at the horse racing with her well-to-do friends and I had Samuel in a woven wrap on my back. I did look weird I suppose in that context. In that context, surrounded by people of my grandma's generation, it was alien that I would want to be attached to my child, to put my child's needs above how I looked at the races.

It is an experience that has stayed with me. I thought long and hard about it because my bond with my grandma was so strong. Why would she react so badly to my desire to stay close to my babies? Especially when she loved cuddles with the grandchildren.

Another experience that has stayed with me is one that happened quite recently. Someone mentioned that I was "unusual" to have carried Anna exclusively. That even most babywearers use a buggy from time to time (true). I heard it as a criticism (it wasn't intended as such, just the way j hears it...). That I was odd. And odd is bad.

Here's the thing, I'm not making a political statement with my babywearing. I am simply parenting in a way that works for me and my family. I believe strongly that babywearing, attachment and building foundations of love are bloody important. And I consider myself super lucky that I found the babywearing world AND get to share the love for it. (But it's not the ONLY and EXCLUSIVE way to build attachment...)

I have found myself that when I am quick to criticise another's parenting, it can often be because it has triggered something in me. I wonder if that's the case with babywearing?

So how to deal with the criticism?

Well I choose not to listen to silly TV people who have extreme things to say about it. These people will never invite considered conversation, and so the discussion is mute. The fact that they keep calling it a papoose is beyond awful journalism and into the down right ignorant.

My grandma and I had many conversations about the understanding we have of neurobiology now and the developing brain of a baby and how attachments helps. But it wasn't something she was interested in. So I became aware of needing to let it go.

Strangers on the street? You are not responsible for how they perceive you babywearing. We are still a society where it is normal to give birth to a baby and then put the baby down. Babywearing is a challenge to that perception of parenting.

Focus on you and your family. What you're doing and why you love it. Listen to the critics, decide if their words serve you and if not, let them go.
​

Finally, Piers. My husband is a man. He babywears. He changes nappies and even plays tea parties with the toddler. I see a wonderful dad, the person I fell in love with, a kind, fun and generous human being. Not an emasculated man.
0 Comments

Autumn Wardrobe - Babywearing Hacks

9/4/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Autumn babywearing - wardrobe hacks
It feels suddenly a bit colder huh? Time flies so fast, seems like only yesterday I was writing about hot weather babywearing tips! But here we are, I'm in a sweatshirt and blanket season is fast approaching...

Actually babywearing during the autumn is one of my most favourite times of year. Just cool enough to snuggle up but not so cold that you've gotta use a big coat.


​Here are my wardrobe hacks for babywearing during the autumn
Picture
Snuggly cardigan for you
Rather than over dressing your little one, use a big cardigan around the both of you if you're front carrying. Easy to unwrap a bit if you're getting to warm or just take off as its over the sling.
Picture
Sweatshirt
I love simple layers that don't get caught in the sling while babywearing. A sweatshirt does just that. Favourite is definitely my Selfish Mother one.
Picture
Long vest top tucked into trousers.
Nothing worse than your sling pulling up your top and exposing the small of your back to the cold air. Eek. I love an extra long vest top that can be tucked in, and stay put, while putting on the sling.
​

Thin undershirt
Layered under a t-shirt, this keeps you warm but not too warm without the bulk going on under your sling. I really don't like bulky under my sling. It's too difficult to get comfy and a tight carry (v.important)
Picture
Babywearing hoodie/large zippy top.
When it's really got a bite in the air a proper babywearing hoodie is a brilliant buy. I especially like this boba one. slumber-roo.co.uk/product/195/boba-hoodies/boba-/babywearing-adult-clothes
​Or just use an extra large zippy top. (Mine often stolen from my poor husband while on a walk!)
Picture
Babywearing booties for baby
Little feet which are exposed in the sling are going to be the first to get cold. For small babies, I really love these babywearing booties. They stay on and stay warm. Brilliant. Highly reccomend these from Sewn Down Purple Lane. http://www.sewndownpurplelane.co.uk/index.php/products-prices/footwear/
Picture
And rain?
Well I never really got on with any babywearing raincoats that have holes for the baby. Mostly because the baby would panic and scream and I would be stressed ....but if you're calmer than me a good babywearing raincoat works...
But actually I just found that an oversized lightweight raincoat could fit over both me and bubs front or back carrying and because I was hands free I could hold a sturdy umbrella 💥

Thanks for reading! If you liked this blog post or found it helpful, we're up for an award and would be super grateful for your vote: https://www.essexmums.com/awards/voting/
​
Picture
0 Comments

Slings give you super powers, but you don't have to be superwoman all the time

8/16/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Slings give you super powers. But you don't HAVE to be super woman.

So many things to juggle. So many things on the to do list.
As a mother, I judge myself harshly. I'm constantly under performance management review. With myself. Maybe it's because all through life we are judged on our successes. And criticised for our failures. And when motherhood rolled around I was sent into a tailspin of what the hell have I achieved today? What is my purpose. How can I judge if I've had a good day? A successful day parenting?

So I judge myself on how well the children have behaved. How many books I've read to them. Have the eaten healthy food? Have I had to resort to the gin before dinner? Have we done a wholesome activity? How much tablet time have they had? Have I babyworn today? How much milk has Anna had? Have I done at least one load of washing? Is the house tidy? Have the dogs been out? Have I shouted at the kids? I could carry on. Have I kept them out of harm? Have i cuddled them enough?

And babywearing helps me through this for sure. It is a parenting super power. From newborn days of need to juggling multiple children. From school run with a feral toddler, to being able to go to the toilet. It helps. Massively. I can cook and clean and walk the dog. I can run a business while babywearing. I can pay attention to my other children while babywearing. I can go for long walks to try and get in shape (haha). I can soothe my poorly baby while doing the shopping. I can continue the juggle.

Here's the thing.

I can also.... (and sorry for the swear but it's necessary) SIT THE FUCK DOWN.

At sling meet, at least twice a session a mum will say to me, "oh great, now I've got my hands free to do (name job)..."
And carol and I always say: "or you can sit down and eat some cake".

Seriously, I'm my own worst enemy with this. I burn myself out. I run myself into the ground. I think I'm super woman. And sometimes it feels bloody amazing to be able to feel like I've done everything. That the kids are happy, the house is clean and the jobs have been done.

But there are days (most of them) where this isn't going to happen.

I hear lots, and read lots, and talk lots about the mental load, the domestic load falling to mother's. And I feel it. I get it. Sometimes though I'm so done with it that I have to stop. It doesn't mean it goes away but it means I choose to stop. There is no prize for me for having a more difficult day. there is no prize for having the most children and juggling the most.

I don't have to strap Anna to me and march all the kids to Asda to get the shopping. I just call CJ and say "we're having take away." Or "I can't do dinner. Can you sort it".

So mama reading this. Sit the fuck down. When you can. Please. Use the sling. Settle the baby and then use it for 10 minutes to sit down and eat/drink/watch TV/scroll Instagram/pee! Baby is happy/asleep. Stop, sit and chill.
You have super powers I know. But you don't have to be super woman all the time.
0 Comments

I can't breastfeed in the sling

8/5/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
It's world breastfeeding week. All over my news feed are many of my wonderful babywearing consultant counterparts from all around the world sharing super helpful and really informative videos and tutorials on breastfeeding in a sling.
Breastfeeding and bottle feeding while carrying baby in a sling can be one of those amazing skills to have in the bag. It can save a shopping trip or day out at the park with your toddler.

But I can't do it.
I've breastfed all 4 of my kids.
I babyworn all 4 of my kids.
I'm a trained, qualified and experienced babywearing consultant.

And I still can't do it.

This is not meant to be discouraging to those who can and who want to.

This is meant to be a reassurance for those, who like me, are looking at these videos and thinking "but I just CAN'T do it". It's ok. And you're not doing anything wrong. And you CAN still manage without combining these two things.

I've had a troubling start to breastfeeding all of my babies. For the first about 12-16 weeks (the time frame most mother's want to feed in a sling as its the most intense feeding time) of my feeding journey for all of them, it has been pretty much agony. I learnt I HAD to have baby in the perfect position or the latch was wrong and I was in so so so much pain. Cracked nipples. Engorgement. Over supply. Blocked ducts. Re-filling pain (oh the agony). And mastitis. And mastitis, so many flipping times.

In these early weeks of breastfeeding agony joy, trying to breastfeed in a sling was almost impossible. If I tried it, I would end up in pain from poor positioning, which for all the will in the world, I couldn't make work in a sling. Let's be personal here, my boobs aren't exactly small or perky anymore. It would cause my boob to squish, leading to blocked ducts.

There have been exactly 3 times I have sort of done it. Once on the beach when we had packed up and Samuel needed feeding so I tried to do it in the stretchy. Once in the queue at the wrap show (of all the places) and Anna needed feeding, and carol literally tied the sling around me, disaster. And once when I was cooking dinner, using a ring sling. I took a pic and sent it to a breastfeeding counsellor friend as I was so proud. But it wasn't comfy. Never going to be a long term thing for me.

It's ok if breastfeeding isn't easy. Get help. Get support and do what works for you.

Get help with babywearing too. We mustn't compromise safety while babywearing, and this is especially important when feeding in a sling. Nail babywearing.

You don't HAVE to breastfeed in a sling.

If it means that your toddler sits around and watches TV for 4 months while you and your newborn nurse for hours, that's ok. If you just plant your bum on the sofa with your newborn and don't go out for that fourth trimester, that's ok. Box sets, snacks, water.

The sling will be there when you need it. In fact my early parenting tools are pretty limited to boob and sling. Try one, then then other and then back again. Just get both right. Don't compromise on one.

And if you have magic boobs like one of my friends, who I was always in awe of her ability to breastfeed on the go (I remember going for a walk together and she breastfed her son easily in the sling as we pottered along) then celebrate that too.
​

Finally, if you need breastfeeding support, reach out for it. I have a wonderful friend who happens to be the leader of the local la leche league branch in Chelmsford and through her support I found my comfy position with Anna, we worked on clearing blocked ducts and recovering from mastitis. She explained refilling pain and so much more. Thank goodness.
Here are the details for la leche league...
https://www.laleche.org.uk/find-lll-support-group/

and if you're local: https://www.laleche.org.uk/supportgroup/lll-chelmsford/

if you liked this blog we're up for an award. We'd be so grateful for your vote! https://www.essexmums.com/awards/voting/
0 Comments

Babywearing and climate change

7/27/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Babywearing and climate change...
Not something you'd connect? Well, this heatwave (as with many other things) has had me in a panic, yet again, about the state of the world. I remember when I was about 9 recieving a flyer about the damage to he ozone layer which really struck me. It had a picture of humans bumbling around a scorched city, arms out feeling where to go, dark glasses on, in obvious distress. That image haunted me. As has the rate of weather change (which I know isn't climate but it'd be stupid to deny that this weather isn't a result of human activity on our planet).
​


I spent some time recently listening to some TED talks on climate change, trying to inform myself more, and I'm always left feeling the same, powerless. That the global problem is so much bigger than me and my tiny actions now. But something I heard yesterday was: to talk about it. Whatever situation we're in, talk about it. Stop denying it.


So it got me thinking about the cloth nappy library, and then to babywearing itself. And how actually babywearing, and the choices we can make through babywearing CAN have an impact on change. Here's my thinking


(And honestly, this is not a publicity stunt to get you to babywear because of my business, or even a way of lessening my feeling of guilt over climate change, but rather a way of opening a conversation...)


1. The carbon footprint of a sling or wrap.
We are so lucky in this part of the babywearing world to be able to choose really carefully where we buy our slings from. We CAN absolutely choose a lower carbon footprint sling via a few different options.
- buy a pre-loved sling (and even better, locally)
- buy a sling from a UK based company who source fabric and resources locally and sustainably. I'm thinking especially of companies such as firespiral and integra and sleepy Nico.
- find out about the packaging of your sling when buying. Mamaruga are awesome at sending everything in recyclable packaging.
- reuse a sling for all your children if it's in a good condition. I don't have a massive personal stash of slings. I don't have the room and I've never been a fan of buying excess "stuff" if not needed.
(And the carbon footprint of a sling will always be smaller than buying a buggy. This is not a dig at those who have a buggy though, but more a choice that COULD be made. I exclusively babywear Anna).


2. Recycling a sling. Well slings last an awfully long time unless damaged in some way. And when you've finished using it, they can be passed on or fabric can be recycled or repurposed into a keep sake, or cushions, or clothes. Good times.


3. Babywearing gives you freedom to ditch the car.
I had no car for almost 18 months after Anna was born. The sling allowed me the freedom to do this. It made using public transport easy. Even if you could leave the car behind for 10% less of your journeys. That would make a massive difference. (10% was a figure I read for the need to reduce our energy consumption by that much to avoid the 2/4 degree temp rise).


4. Babywearing gives you the freedom to get out into nature. Walking the dogs and going for long walks are two of the top reasons people like to get a sling. Babywearing can help us to take baby outside and off the beaten track. The more we can be in nature the more we can appreciate it AND observe any changes. Also, I know a number of sling-y friends who have allotments and take baby in the sling. Planting crops, encouraging wildlife, living sustainability (through crop growth, if possible, even in a limited way), is a massive deal for our world right now. It can also open the conversation about the choices we make when food shopping.


5. Meeting like minded people.
It used to be a bit of a cliche that you were a "crunchy mummy" if you were a babywearer, maybe a bit hippy. I'm incredibly happy that babywearing is becoming more and more mainstream and accepted. But there is an element of truth about the crunchy mummy thing. And the babywearing world for me has opened up joining groups such as the Babipur Facebook group which is all sustainable fairtrade clothes and toys. Or a zero waste group, or conversations with fellow sling librarians about running a paperless sling library...learning recipes for homemade deodorant and cleaning products, buying fewer but better clothes etc,ditching plastic straws, and if you wanna be a cool kid in the babywearing world you've gotta have a klean Kanteen ..all these things start the conversation. And then when you're not on you're own with these issues, things become more positive.


6. Mindset.
Because we can choose to babywear
Choose to ditch the car
Choose to understand nature
Choose to join the conversation
Choose to try cloth nappies
Choose to buy a sling which has a lower carbon footprint.
Babywearing can also help us to have a slower pace of life. Living life with a baby in a sling causes us to walk that bit slower, be more mindful about how we move. Choose natural fibres to wear to avoid over heating. When we slow down and become more mindful about our life and consumption of things, we can change our mind set and help change the world.

thanks for reading. if you liked this, our blog is up for an award, we'd be so grateful for your vote!
​http://www.essexmums.com/awards/voting/
Picture
0 Comments
<<Previous

    Archives

    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    June 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

      Sign up to our newsletter for new blog alerts

    Subscribe to Newsletter
Proudly powered by Weebly